Definition of Happy

What is your happy?

Happiness is a cup of coffee. No...happiness is coffee bought out, at Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks, that is always a splurge for me.

It's my dogs hearing the ice machine and running as fast as possible, hoping I will give them a piece.

To Zach, it is a tiny bud on one of his plants. Its growth.

It's seeing results after the gym. It's Zach telling me my arms are so strong.

Happiness to Toby, is mastering "roll over. " I've never seen a dog so proud of himself before.

Happiness to me is saying no.

It isn't comparing myself to others.

It isn't wanting what I can't have.

It's being grateful for what I've got.

Happiness is cheese in one hand and wine in the other.

It's waking up and getting those eyeliner swoops right for the first time.

It's confidence in being studious.

It's confidence in being capable.

It's a pitcher of beer shared.

Or sitting on the beach with a cooler of beer and nothing but time. (and sunscreen!)

It's volunteering your time to others.

It's buying local!

It's falling in love with a new hobby.

Or pulling a pie out of the oven perfectly baked.

And eating exotic foods.

It's finding out that your friend's are pregnant on Facebook. So overjoyed for them, but completely happy where you are in your life and relationship too.

It's kissing your sleepy dog on the nose. Telling them you love them out loud, even if you are the only one home.

How did you wind up in the career you currently have?

Sometimes writers get writers block. The solution?  http://oneminutewriter.blogspot.com

One Minuter Writer is a blog that puts up prompts daily for those of us that just can't figure out what to write about. The point is to write at least a minute a day, but there is no punishment for focusing on the topic for longer.

Today's prompt: How did you wind up in the career you currently have?

I joined the navy in March 2011. I didn't think about it for too long. I didn't plan high school or college around it. I spent most of my high school hanging out with friends and working at Harris Teeter. Being in the military NEVER crossed my mind. I would have laughed in your face if you told me, a high schooler, that the navy was most definitely in my future.

I spent my college days working a lot and attending sorority mixers, fund raisers and events. It was until the last semester of my senior year that I started thinking about it. And honestly I really didn't even give myself a chance to think about it. I literally just DID IT on a whim. I talked to the recruiter and two weeks later, there I was in bootcamp, thinking what the fuck did I get myself into?

Still to this day, I regret nothing.

Leaving the military is actually harder than it seems. The past couple months I have been going through a huge since of loss. I've been a sailor for the last five years of my life. If someone asked me what I'm doing, I would say, "I'm in the navy." That is no longer my answer.

I won't ever arrange my hair in a bun again. LIKE EVER.
I won't wash the grease and grim from under my nails. (unless I voluntarily do something messy)
I won't smell like guns going home.
I won't lace up those boots. Not one more time. (unless they are my new LL Bean rain boots!)
I don't even need to remember Navy acronyms anymore.
Obviously, I am marrying a career sailor (as of right now anyways, he could always change his mind) so I'll never escape it. I still wash and dry NWU's. I still hunt down ribbons for Zach. And when he hits sea duty again. I will feel the sense of loss as he goes on deployment.

And these are all wonderful things (aside from the last one). I am beyond excited but I am also going through a huge, "who am I phase?" In high school I was a bookish girl who loved to read, soul searching on what college to attend. In college, I was studying nutrition to become a dietitian. After college I joined the navy on a whim, wanting to travel and explore. Now here I am choosing what to major in again. Except the navy is going to pay for it this time, thankfully!

I never even imagined that five years would have flown by so fast.

If the navy has taught me anything about career goals, it has taught me what I don't want to do....and what I do want to do. It has taught me everything. Shit.

1.) I don't want to clean guns. I don't even like guns. I really don't even like conflict. I shy away from it.  I just want everyone to be happy. And I want everyone to succeed. How I did five years focused on ammunition, bombs and missiles is beyond me. But I wasn't. It was never the weapons. It was always the people. I worked with amazing individuals. Some I mentored and coached. And others taught me. Some brought joy and many brought out my assertive side. My favorite part of the job was always the people. I don't want to clean guns but I DO want to impact peoples lives. I want to give individuals confidence in themselves. I want to see success. Now I don't entirely know what job that is but I know if I don't work with people on a daily basis I will lose my mind.

2.) I don't want to turn tools anymore. I learned so much while serving but I don't want to have to think about "righty tight, lefty loosey" anymore. I don't want to come home smelling like gun powder. I don't want to be covered in grease. On the flip side of that, I lifted heavy things everyday. I always moved around. I burned calories going up all the ladder wells on the ship. I must continue to move. It was nice being able to be so active in a job.

3.) I don't want to work long hours. A 14 hour shift is far too long for my dogs to hold their pee in. If you work more than half your life, work is more than half your life. I want to work to live not live to work. You get me? The navy just does't. I saw far too many mothers and fathers who arrived home 30 minutes before their kids went to sleep and left before they awoke.

4.) I have a strong sense of who I am... I might not be living it out yet. But I know who I am and I know I want to be a career woman. The key to success isn't necessarily knowing what you want, more of knowing who you are and what you can accomplish.

So I chose a double masters in human resource development and leadership and management because I believe that it will be able to open the door to wherever I choose. I believe that the choices you make throughout your career world will eventually add up and make sense even if they don't right now. I believe its going to be like a lightbulb turning on, and all of a sudden you are in so deep over your head but you don't realize it because you just keep swimming. You don't even have to worry about your feet not touching the bottom because you love the swim so much. 

What makes a Writer

I'm a writer. But to avidly say "I  am a writer, I must avidly write." Oftentimes I'll be writing in my journal and think, I wonder how Sylvia Plath would have written that. I wonder how she would've phrased that. How was her first heartbreak? I feel like my life is mundane. I'm not road tripping. I'm not living on the streets. I don't have a drug addiction. I'm not visually impaired. I am a Caucasian female just trying to make it.

I imagine Kerouac and Thompson, driving, writing about the parties and illegal drugs and the girls. And here I am like, "Well it's Friday, I've had three beers, I'd better go to sleep, now."

I mean, a writer is a writer,  right? But the reason why we love Kerouac so much is not only the way he writes but also his stories encompassing off the wall experiences. I try not to get bogged down. I try not to think about it. I try to just keep writing. Years from now all my writings in my journal could be an autobiography. But if all my journal says is, "Omg, its Monday. I hate my job. Well its Tuesday, only four more workdays till the weekend....etc" What kind of autobiography will it be? 

Plath and Kerouac wrote for themselves, and entertained others in the process. I, as a writer, don't have to entertain anyone. Is my journal even entertaining to me? As long as I fulfill the promises I have made to myself as a writer, all is right within the world. So if I publish a book. Awesome. If I don't, I still know the words got out. And it feels so much better setting them free than leaving them locked inside me.

When I think about all the poets and authors I love I imagine them as teenagers in their angst writing in journals very similar to mine. I mean look at Anne Frank. She was writing for her, instead, her words changed the world. She will live on in english classes for years to come.

My journal reads something like,

"It was so cold when I woke up this morning. Zach is still waiting to hear back from the detailer. I don't even care what it is. I just want us to be together in Virginia, or Florida, or an igloo, or a cave."

So maybe, I'll never be among Anne Frank. Hopefully not, because we don't need a repeat of WWII.  Maybe I'll never be a Sylvia Plath, because I'm not keen on putting my head in an oven. I'll not be a Bukowski or Kerouac because drugs are some serious shit. I yearn for the passion they have as writers. I want to be a passionate writer, and if not that, at least a passionate something.

I want to be so wrapped up in something that I love. I want a hobby that stays with me for years. My friend does pottery and its absolutely beautiful and gives her such happiness. I feel like I fall in love with something but then it kind of fades or I fail to complete my hobby goal.

 On Monday, I love yoga and I want to become an expert yogi. On Tuesday, I want to be an art journalist, but I don't have cool paper to write on. On Wednesday, I want to complete a half marathon. So I write a plan in my calendar dead set on completing it. On Saturday I've already missed two work outs. Its like I can't commit to any activity for longer than a couple days. Its the same for writing. I'm desperately passionate about being passionate but simply cannot commit. Maybe I haven't found the right hobby yet.

Regardless, I'll continue to write, both publicly and not. I'll continue to travel. I'll continue to try things and fail because life is short and if something isn't fun, isn't it kind of a waste of time? 

Bald for Cancer

What do you want to accomplish before you die? Everyone has a bucket list, right? It may not be written down in cursive handwriting or typed into a blog but everyone has a certain criteria they would like to meet before they die. Everyone has goals or adventures planned but do you go through with them?

Bucket lists are lists for oneself to accomplish before dying. A bucket list is bragging rights to friends and family, a sense accomplishment or perhaps, an activity that grants peace. I have so many things I would like to accomplish. Some travel, some daring, some simply a check in the box but the one on my mind tonight isn't for me, its for all of those unable to live out all of their goals before they die. Have you ever thought of that? The people who simply cannot complete their bucket lists? Be it, a lack of time, or developmental issues, some people aren't granted the same opportunities as others. What can we do to make up for all of those dreams left unsaid, or perhaps, undone?

Now, I am no expert on the subject of death, dying, or terminal illness but this much I know is true...I want to help. I've watched one too many movies on Saint Jude hospitals. And I've known one too many people with cancer. I praise all of the nurses, doctors and staff that work in a cancer ward for, both young and old, but especially young. What heroes we have working everyday right under our eyes. Yet we celebrate football stars and celebrities? But what can I do to inspire? Because in the end, that's all I can do. I cannot diagnose. I can't give more time. I'll never find the cure for cancer, but I know the cure to heartache. It lies in smiles, hugs, appreciation and a little extra time given of yourself. What can you give?

Go bald for cancer.

That is on my bucket list. I would like to run a St. Baldricks Event and involve both military and churches across North Carolina. Because kids with cancer often lose their hair....we can show support by shaving ours voluntarily. My hopes are that friends and family will want to be involved by shaving their heads and/or donating to support childhood cancer research. Think of the impact we could make.

Now, as a woman, this is a huge commitment. How many of us absolutely love their hair? I know I do! But how many of those little girls with cancer loved their hair too? It's true, you may say, "Danielle, their hair isn't going to grow back by us shaving ours?" True, but we can send the message that "bald is beautiful" and "you are not alone" Kids with cancer should know this. They have enough on their plate than to worry about their hair.  

Hair grows back. I want to do this. I want to do it for me but also for all of those I've lost to cancer. 

I don't know when I will be able to set up this event but I will shave my head for cancer and fight to raise money for a cure. It doesn't matter what kind of cancer it is. It matters that we make a difference, change to world and complete some bucket lists. 

Be om the look out for more info to come and if you have any questions, check this website out. http://www.stbaldricks.org 

Danielle

Love Letters

I watched a video the other day of a man and woman who had shared over 10,000 love letters with each other in their lifetime. They had just recently celebrated 40 years of marriage. As they started dating, the man would get on the train to go to work and jot down a few words on a napkin to the girl. As the dating progressed, his letters got longer. She said, after they got married, he greeted her with a card or letter everyday. Sometimes it was a few sentences and other days it was longer.

I am a huge fan of this. Zach and I may very well be the modern day version of this. We fell in love on an aircraft carrier. We fell in love passing notes on crumbled sheets of paper that later turned into a leather bound journal. We saved them all- some short, some long. Some ranting about our days, others sweet and endearing. Many have notes from meetings on the back, or bomb configurations. I once received a note from Zach on the back of a load plan. (A list of what bombs we were building up for the night)

As he is still in Japan. he is still receiving letters and cards from me. Maybe not everyday, but a couple a week. I've always loved writing. That has been a constant throughout my life. Lately I have been trying to figure out why I haven't written in my journal as often within the last few years. It's all adding up now as all of these love letters are laid out before me. I have been busy writing, just not in my own journal! That leather bound journal has been all over the ship, not to mention, all over the world. With me being in VA and him still in Japan, I've been busy decorating envelopes, buying stamps, and writing to Zach. He says that he looks forward to seeing all the different designs on the envelopes and that everyone knows when he gets mail. Its not like any other letters sent. He has turned into my journal. A place where I leave my thoughts, frustrations and fears. My excitement and questions. And in him I find answers. He isn't as loyal on writing me back but that is okay. Writing him is all that I need. The happiness he has when opening an envelope decorated with whales on the front is my happiness. I write not to receive but to give. And I think I always will.

As it is Valentine's day and we live in a digital world, I am sure I will see posts and posts of what everyone is receiving from their significant others, but I am not going to do that. I don't need to put up a picture of flowers to feel special. We should be thankful of who we have in our lives not for the candy and flowers on Valentines day but on all days. The gift is them. Their love is the gift- the  candy and flowers is just a bonus. For all of those whose significant others have passed on, I am deeply sorry. And I know that today will be hard without them.

My gift to myself this Valentine's day  is re living our moments through old love letters passed. I have them all sprawled across the floor and it is bringing back so much! Sometimes receiving a note from Zach was the only excitement I had that day when we were underway. These words mean, and will always mean, more to me than flowers ever will.

Zach's italicized. I'm not. Our only downfall was we didn't date the letters.


Good morning sunshine!
So tonight in the sea bag locker...that was really tough for me to actually say...I've never told anyone about some of the things I told you. It scares the living shit out of me that someone knows my fears, my  issues and insecurities but I'm glad it's you. Super glad. You are changing my heart for the better. OK, enough about that, what was your favorite part about Singapore? Cooking with you was a highlight. It was perfect. Massive amount of points awarded to you...haha. I gotta go. You are extremely distracting, but that's okay. I love that, even though a distracted mind at work here might kill someone...Oh lord haha! Have an amazing day Dani. 
~That one sweet guy that loves you a lot

Hey,
So why does it feel like I haven't seen your cute face for days? Oh yeah, cause I haven't! I guess that just gives me more time to think about you. You've been running through my head a lot lately. I hope you don't fall into another rose bush. Well, maybe I do. Can it be a "greene" one? :) I just re read you note. I really liked the sea bag locker too.  I'm glad you had a chance to express yourself. It's interesting hearing about you growing up and the feelings you have behind it. I like the way our conversations just roll back and forth but I like how we can just be quiet and think too. Singapore!!!!! Favorite part probably, when we were having that really intense conversation...................No more complications. No more distractions. He wants me. It all makes sense now.  :)


Baby, 
I just watched "Seeking A Friend For the End of the World" All I could think about was you and how my hand was lonely. This is our world. We got this. Seriously I just hopped out of the shower and cracked this book open. I swear, its an extension of our hearts. I was in the shower thinking about how happy I am. It literally just dawned on me. So what if my current job is not even a job, its a lifestyle? One I'm not planning on doing forever. For now, it'll do. So what if I can't hold your hand or kiss that perfect head. This navy thing is temporary. You and I are permanent. I truly value every moment of life I have with you. Even if its just a simple foot touch on the mess decks. You're pretty much my light at the end of the tunnel. I don't even know what I am saying. Does it even make sense? There isn't really a plan. Who plans life? Want to know my plan? Stay in love with you until the last breath leaves my body. We'll take on the world together and wherever we go or whatever happens it will always be OK because the second you walked into my life... I knew. 
I love you. Zachary.

The little things will add up to the big things. These are my promises to you. Hold me to them.

I promise to make every effort I can into being the best girlfriend ever for you.

I promise to help you fold your clothes when you need me to because I know you hate that.

I promise to tell you when you have something stuck in your teeth.

I promise to push you past your potential.

I promise to guide you if you're ever feeling lost in life.

I'll correct your grammar if you need me too.

And organize the kitchen cabinets when required.

I'll clean the floors but not the showers.

I'll make the coffee and be your personal temperature tester.

I promise to love you with a stye in your eye in a full time winking position.

I promise to love you forever...or until you get a cat. Just kidding....But really no.

Tell me your promises too!!!

Hey Baby,
These are my promises to you....
Always and forever pick you up when you are down.

Always be honest with you no matter what.

Baby, I'll always love you forever, no matter if you get sick, in a coma or any other bad shit. You're the love of my life.

I promise to you that we will have a very nice lawn. I'm extremely good at cutting grass in fancy patterns ,etc.

I promise I'll clean the tub out, ugh!!!

I promise I'll always have a shirt for you to wear, and one to clean your glasses on.

I promise that when you get old and can't do those little annoying necklace clasps....I got you.

There will always be ice cream in the freezer  and I promise I'll make you cupcakes when you list expect it. Oh and wine. When we retire; lets get a wine cellar

Old people always have the weirdest coolest collections- Can we do that?

I promise I'll always carry the heavier load so you don't have to. Anything to make your life easier.

I promise I'll NEVER get a cat. What if one of our kids really wants a cat? I mean, what if they get a cat loving gene... from somewhere and really really want a cat. What would we do?!? 
OK I'm out. I love you. Zachary.

***********************************************************************

I hope to one day organize them all ad try to get them in chronological order. Neither of us threw any away. I've got frayed napkins, coasters, cards and teared pages. It's okay that they are out of order and all over the place right now, because no matter which one I read, I can relive the exact moment over and over again. I just deleted a bunch of stuff off Facebook because i feel that it is showy and cocky. I want to live in the time my grandparents grew up. I'm an old soul and all this digital stuff just pisses me off.

I feel so blessed in this life. Johnny and June have got nothing on me and Zach. We aren't following in any one's footsteps, we've constructed our own path. Here's to many walks on it!

Danielle.

Rant. Lists. Blah day.

I'm getting old. Like 26, really? My car insurance is cheaper. I'm getting married. I'm paying bills. Where did the time go? It was just yesterday that I was throwing things at my brother's head, learning how to drive, how to kiss and how to survive off of $40.00 a week in college. Just in case you're wondering, the breakdown of$40.00 is as follows: $15.00 on a case of beer, $5.00 on laundry, $7.00 on El PAC Mexican cantina (free chips and salsa + a TEXAS margarita) and the remainder for taco bell and gas to carry me into the next week. God wasn't life good then?

Anyways, I hope with age I become wiser. I'm in a bit of a quarter life crisis. I'm 26 and getting out of the navy next year. I want to teach but I feel like I have all these hoops to jump through to do that. Like, why couldn't I have just known what I wanted to do while I was in college. Well, the navy can pay for me to go back to school now. I've had it with student loans. And Zach's orders? Trying to match everything. Ugh. I don't even have appropriate words for how I feel about that situation right now.

I am always second guessing myself at work. I lack confidence when I should be perfectly confident. I get weird in large groups. Like super awkward! I over think the things that I say or the jokes that I tell. I suck at making friends, and yet, I am a social butterfly. I don't keep in touch through Facebook. I hate Facebook. I would delete it if Zach wasn't still in Japan.

This is a just a brainstorm of things. When I am feeling down or inadequate, I just need to NOT do that. I am awesome, and here's why. And here's how I should keep being awesome. And here's how you should too.  BLAHH........ happy Friday!!!

1.) At 2 years old, you didn't know what you wanted to do. At 10 years old, you thought you did. At 21, you had an idea. (turns out you were wrong)! And now, it all changed. At 45, it'll change again. The point is: You'll never have the answers, no matter how old you are. No one does, they just act like it. You were taught how to be good, just keep being kind and you'll be fine.

2.) Quit worrying about where everyone else is in their lives. So they're married? So they have kids? Have they seen Australia? No. There's a reason, you are where you are. You are engaged to the love of your life. So wedding planning may be delayed due to deployments. It's okay. You are blessed beyond belief with that one. Just hold on tight and it will all be alright.

3.) I don't know where you've put your patience, but you've lost it. Go find it...like right now. No one wants to hear you run your mouth complaining, so just stop. Stop with the whining, and wait in line. Stop, because you whining isn't going to make the room any cooler. Just stop, chill out and keep your mouth shut. This one will carry you far in life.

4.) Keep reading. In a world of ignorant individuals, just keep reading. there's a time for fashion magazines, and a time for old books, a time for kindles and a time for blogs, just make time for all of your writings. Whether it be typed blogs or napkins, or dog eared pages in a journal, or letters to family and friends, never stop reading or writing all of these things. Years from now, all those words will be worth more than gold to you.

5.) If you don't know the answer to something, listen to country music. Even if it doesn't answer your question, I guarantee, you'll feel better after 'takin' a back road,' or 'walking down the streets of Bakersfield.' There will always be a cheer or a toast to the nights you don't remember and there will always be time for '5 o clock somewhere.'

6.)  You have so many people behind you. Be there for them too. Whether its a cup of coffee in the morning or a hug, make time for everyone that makes time for you. Your friends are the key to many doors that will be opened for you. Remember to always be appreciative of this, and unlock doors for others as well. It's the way for the circle to continue on.

7.) Your, you're, their, they're...for the love of God don't fuck this rule away.

8.) Stop letting others determine how you feel about yourself. Are they living and walking in your shoes everyday? No. I don't care if its family, friends or complete strangers, if they don't like something that you absolutely love, just let it go. You belong in this world to love what you love, not love what is popular.

9.) Have confidence. For some unknown reason, I let others make me feel inadequate at times. Why? That is definitely not the case. Everyone is special. Everyone is unique, and if you think you are the smartest person to ever walk in the room, you might as well just leave the room. Others will always know something more than you, just as you will know more than someone else. If we can't learn from one another what's the point?

10.) Know when to give up and just have a glass of wine.... or two.....or the bottle! It could be 10am, or it could be 2am, but there is no better a time to have a glass of wine than when you think you should.

11.) You're cool because you're yourself. You're desperate when you try to act like someone else.

12.) For the love of god, don't ask if its appropriate to double dip. Honestly if you're sharing chips with someone who cares about that kind of stuff, you should just eat their chips until they feel left out and leave. Double dipping!! For real.... and I want ketchup on each bite of fry. Judge me if you want but I don't give a shit.

13.) When you go to a fancy restaurant and order a bottle of wine, the waiter will proceed to fill your cup up halfway. I know, I know…it makes zero sense… When I order a whole bottle of wine, I intend to drink the whole bottle of wine. Just wait until the waiter leaves and fill that cup up sister!!

14.) In the reality of today when rap is popular, yet you can't understand why…just nod your head and turn on old beach classics…if that's what you want.

15.) Understand that the SAT is on a 2400 scale now. Everyone you work with is younger than you, and sometimes (all times) you will feel way to mature to even join the conversation. That's okay. It doesn't mean you are better than them, it just means you need to allow them to make their own mistakes rather than send criticism their way.

16.) You don't have to like the people you work with. You just have to complete the day.

17.) You don't need more friends. If you want to sit on your couch this weekend and netflix, you shouldn't have to feel guilty about it. You don't need to explain yourself. You are blessed with the friends that you have and they are wonderful. So what if you don't keep in touch with whoever, its your choice. And if you don't have seven freaking bridesmaids at your wedding, you know what that means...a cheaper fucking wedding.

18.) And curse less. You sound like a fucking sailor. Oh wait....

Love Danielle.

Keep Reading

Keep reading. In a world of ignorant individuals, just keep reading. I don't care if its a fashion magazine or a sports review. I commend you for picking up a classic and challenge you to something with substance. I won't judge you on a trashy romance novel, or Twilight, and the likes. Just keep reading. Push aside the video games. Refrain from Facebook, twitter, and instagram. Pull yourself away from Netflix. I know it will be hard. I struggle too, but find satisfaction in the simplicity of words inked into pages (or your kindle. You pick the poison).

As, Dr Suess said, "Oh the places you will go..." Well nowhere...you are going nowhere, if you don't read. It saddens me to think of people who hate reading. That statement seriously pains me. I find ignorance in people who make that remark. I want to push and question them. Why? What have you ever tried reading? High school required reading? Can you put a chair together without reading instructions first? I mean, that statement..."I hate reading!" is almost preposterous. But perhaps I am insane. I read everything. And I read it with intense curiosity. I always have, even has a child.

I often wonder how kids grow into the personalities they have as adults. Sure, your upbringing and parents effect you. Both my dad and mom have always loved to read. Many days my mom would read on the couch. And you wouldn't see her bedside table with a tattered copy of something. My dad has been a big fan of biographies. He'd pick up the biography of a music artist or historical figure he was interested in at the time. But there has to be more outside of your parents that affects your personality. What makes kids more into sports/ more intellectual? I know that some parents force hobbies onto their children but, thankfully, nothing was forced on me. I always read. I wasn't forced to. I enjoyed required readings, even over the summers. I drove myself to the library once I was old enough. I found satisfaction in completing large volumes. I remember finishing Anna Karrenina around 13. I understood very little about it, but I completed it.

I would go yard sale to yard sale picking up old copies of books I saw in libraries. I built my shelves into an adventure I planned to complete before I died. Sometimes I would even end up with two copies, forgetting what I had. I can't even remember what I read when I was younger. The Phantom Tollbooth, Agatha Christie, even Babysitter's Club were among a few. I know as I grew older, I pushed my limits on what would be acceptable for a young adult to read. There was no censorship on my reading. And if it didn't make sense, at the ending page, I would turn the book around and begin again. I have read and re-read many classics such as, Jane Eyre, Into the Wild,  and my all time favorite, The Catcher and the Rye.

 I truly believe that my love of reading has transformed me into the individual I am today. I am a social butterfly. I love people. Some days I find loneliness in a quiet apartment and pick up a book, or magazine to console me. In those books, within those characters I find friends, and also enemies.

In Stephen King I find harsh realities in bone chilling tales. I oftentimes, hitch a train and smoke illegal drugs with Kerouac, Ginsberg and Thomson. Its always a party. We find the best live music, and take advantage of people's kindness. I read true accounts of the Appalachian trial and escape into the wild with Jennifer Pharr Davis. I read dark stories about the holocaust and fall in love in stories set abroad. I go to France and Ireland. I visit Germany and Japan. I am capable and I am fearless. Whoever I am not in the real world, I can be in books. The confidence I lack in the real world is, then, granted into my readings and writings.

Sometimes I turn to the internet. I am no saint and will tell you, I spend far too much time on Facebook. I am often directed to blogs and articles written by people like me. We don't know each other, but I guarantee if we met, we would hit it off like old friends. Perhaps they are typing with a cup of coffee beside of them, in the silence of their apartments expressing their opinions to people they don't know. sThey have high hope for page views, comments and/or someone to publish them. they yearn to complete a book, or perhaps they already have. Regardless, they sit on the edge of their chair waiting for the next topic to come to mind. As it may be, they use writing as an excuse to experience life. Yes, live music. Yes, lets travel. Yes, lets have a beer. I am that reader...as well as that writer. I hope to always be.

My love of reading has shaped the way I talk, as well as, the way I write. I write just like I talk...straight to the point. I will not write a sentence that doesn't sound like me. I don't smother my sentences in big words. If I wouldn't say them, I won't type them either. With that being said, my grammar is so so. Why write something that doesn't sound real. Most people don't talk in complete sentences. We use run ons and fragments. I believe reading builds stronger vocabularies. I am always searching for new words and adjectives to describe shitty situations, lovely foods and feelings in my life. I challenge my fiancé with words and sometimes lose. It's okay though, because with each new word comes a sense of accomplishment. I keep a running list of words I would like to use on my phone. And if you want to call me a nerd, go ahead. I am one.

My life would not be the same without the typed blogs, notes scribbled on napkins saved for decades, dog eared pages, or weathered journals with letters from friends and family. I will never stop reading or writing all of these things. Years from now, all those words will be worth more than gold to me, imaginably maybe, to you too.