Love Letters

I watched a video the other day of a man and woman who had shared over 10,000 love letters with each other in their lifetime. They had just recently celebrated 40 years of marriage. As they started dating, the man would get on the train to go to work and jot down a few words on a napkin to the girl. As the dating progressed, his letters got longer. She said, after they got married, he greeted her with a card or letter everyday. Sometimes it was a few sentences and other days it was longer.

I am a huge fan of this. Zach and I may very well be the modern day version of this. We fell in love on an aircraft carrier. We fell in love passing notes on crumbled sheets of paper that later turned into a leather bound journal. We saved them all- some short, some long. Some ranting about our days, others sweet and endearing. Many have notes from meetings on the back, or bomb configurations. I once received a note from Zach on the back of a load plan. (A list of what bombs we were building up for the night)

As he is still in Japan. he is still receiving letters and cards from me. Maybe not everyday, but a couple a week. I've always loved writing. That has been a constant throughout my life. Lately I have been trying to figure out why I haven't written in my journal as often within the last few years. It's all adding up now as all of these love letters are laid out before me. I have been busy writing, just not in my own journal! That leather bound journal has been all over the ship, not to mention, all over the world. With me being in VA and him still in Japan, I've been busy decorating envelopes, buying stamps, and writing to Zach. He says that he looks forward to seeing all the different designs on the envelopes and that everyone knows when he gets mail. Its not like any other letters sent. He has turned into my journal. A place where I leave my thoughts, frustrations and fears. My excitement and questions. And in him I find answers. He isn't as loyal on writing me back but that is okay. Writing him is all that I need. The happiness he has when opening an envelope decorated with whales on the front is my happiness. I write not to receive but to give. And I think I always will.

As it is Valentine's day and we live in a digital world, I am sure I will see posts and posts of what everyone is receiving from their significant others, but I am not going to do that. I don't need to put up a picture of flowers to feel special. We should be thankful of who we have in our lives not for the candy and flowers on Valentines day but on all days. The gift is them. Their love is the gift- the  candy and flowers is just a bonus. For all of those whose significant others have passed on, I am deeply sorry. And I know that today will be hard without them.

My gift to myself this Valentine's day  is re living our moments through old love letters passed. I have them all sprawled across the floor and it is bringing back so much! Sometimes receiving a note from Zach was the only excitement I had that day when we were underway. These words mean, and will always mean, more to me than flowers ever will.

Zach's italicized. I'm not. Our only downfall was we didn't date the letters.


Good morning sunshine!
So tonight in the sea bag locker...that was really tough for me to actually say...I've never told anyone about some of the things I told you. It scares the living shit out of me that someone knows my fears, my  issues and insecurities but I'm glad it's you. Super glad. You are changing my heart for the better. OK, enough about that, what was your favorite part about Singapore? Cooking with you was a highlight. It was perfect. Massive amount of points awarded to you...haha. I gotta go. You are extremely distracting, but that's okay. I love that, even though a distracted mind at work here might kill someone...Oh lord haha! Have an amazing day Dani. 
~That one sweet guy that loves you a lot

Hey,
So why does it feel like I haven't seen your cute face for days? Oh yeah, cause I haven't! I guess that just gives me more time to think about you. You've been running through my head a lot lately. I hope you don't fall into another rose bush. Well, maybe I do. Can it be a "greene" one? :) I just re read you note. I really liked the sea bag locker too.  I'm glad you had a chance to express yourself. It's interesting hearing about you growing up and the feelings you have behind it. I like the way our conversations just roll back and forth but I like how we can just be quiet and think too. Singapore!!!!! Favorite part probably, when we were having that really intense conversation...................No more complications. No more distractions. He wants me. It all makes sense now.  :)


Baby, 
I just watched "Seeking A Friend For the End of the World" All I could think about was you and how my hand was lonely. This is our world. We got this. Seriously I just hopped out of the shower and cracked this book open. I swear, its an extension of our hearts. I was in the shower thinking about how happy I am. It literally just dawned on me. So what if my current job is not even a job, its a lifestyle? One I'm not planning on doing forever. For now, it'll do. So what if I can't hold your hand or kiss that perfect head. This navy thing is temporary. You and I are permanent. I truly value every moment of life I have with you. Even if its just a simple foot touch on the mess decks. You're pretty much my light at the end of the tunnel. I don't even know what I am saying. Does it even make sense? There isn't really a plan. Who plans life? Want to know my plan? Stay in love with you until the last breath leaves my body. We'll take on the world together and wherever we go or whatever happens it will always be OK because the second you walked into my life... I knew. 
I love you. Zachary.

The little things will add up to the big things. These are my promises to you. Hold me to them.

I promise to make every effort I can into being the best girlfriend ever for you.

I promise to help you fold your clothes when you need me to because I know you hate that.

I promise to tell you when you have something stuck in your teeth.

I promise to push you past your potential.

I promise to guide you if you're ever feeling lost in life.

I'll correct your grammar if you need me too.

And organize the kitchen cabinets when required.

I'll clean the floors but not the showers.

I'll make the coffee and be your personal temperature tester.

I promise to love you with a stye in your eye in a full time winking position.

I promise to love you forever...or until you get a cat. Just kidding....But really no.

Tell me your promises too!!!

Hey Baby,
These are my promises to you....
Always and forever pick you up when you are down.

Always be honest with you no matter what.

Baby, I'll always love you forever, no matter if you get sick, in a coma or any other bad shit. You're the love of my life.

I promise to you that we will have a very nice lawn. I'm extremely good at cutting grass in fancy patterns ,etc.

I promise I'll clean the tub out, ugh!!!

I promise I'll always have a shirt for you to wear, and one to clean your glasses on.

I promise that when you get old and can't do those little annoying necklace clasps....I got you.

There will always be ice cream in the freezer  and I promise I'll make you cupcakes when you list expect it. Oh and wine. When we retire; lets get a wine cellar

Old people always have the weirdest coolest collections- Can we do that?

I promise I'll always carry the heavier load so you don't have to. Anything to make your life easier.

I promise I'll NEVER get a cat. What if one of our kids really wants a cat? I mean, what if they get a cat loving gene... from somewhere and really really want a cat. What would we do?!? 
OK I'm out. I love you. Zachary.

***********************************************************************

I hope to one day organize them all ad try to get them in chronological order. Neither of us threw any away. I've got frayed napkins, coasters, cards and teared pages. It's okay that they are out of order and all over the place right now, because no matter which one I read, I can relive the exact moment over and over again. I just deleted a bunch of stuff off Facebook because i feel that it is showy and cocky. I want to live in the time my grandparents grew up. I'm an old soul and all this digital stuff just pisses me off.

I feel so blessed in this life. Johnny and June have got nothing on me and Zach. We aren't following in any one's footsteps, we've constructed our own path. Here's to many walks on it!

Danielle.

Rant. Lists. Blah day.

I'm getting old. Like 26, really? My car insurance is cheaper. I'm getting married. I'm paying bills. Where did the time go? It was just yesterday that I was throwing things at my brother's head, learning how to drive, how to kiss and how to survive off of $40.00 a week in college. Just in case you're wondering, the breakdown of$40.00 is as follows: $15.00 on a case of beer, $5.00 on laundry, $7.00 on El PAC Mexican cantina (free chips and salsa + a TEXAS margarita) and the remainder for taco bell and gas to carry me into the next week. God wasn't life good then?

Anyways, I hope with age I become wiser. I'm in a bit of a quarter life crisis. I'm 26 and getting out of the navy next year. I want to teach but I feel like I have all these hoops to jump through to do that. Like, why couldn't I have just known what I wanted to do while I was in college. Well, the navy can pay for me to go back to school now. I've had it with student loans. And Zach's orders? Trying to match everything. Ugh. I don't even have appropriate words for how I feel about that situation right now.

I am always second guessing myself at work. I lack confidence when I should be perfectly confident. I get weird in large groups. Like super awkward! I over think the things that I say or the jokes that I tell. I suck at making friends, and yet, I am a social butterfly. I don't keep in touch through Facebook. I hate Facebook. I would delete it if Zach wasn't still in Japan.

This is a just a brainstorm of things. When I am feeling down or inadequate, I just need to NOT do that. I am awesome, and here's why. And here's how I should keep being awesome. And here's how you should too.  BLAHH........ happy Friday!!!

1.) At 2 years old, you didn't know what you wanted to do. At 10 years old, you thought you did. At 21, you had an idea. (turns out you were wrong)! And now, it all changed. At 45, it'll change again. The point is: You'll never have the answers, no matter how old you are. No one does, they just act like it. You were taught how to be good, just keep being kind and you'll be fine.

2.) Quit worrying about where everyone else is in their lives. So they're married? So they have kids? Have they seen Australia? No. There's a reason, you are where you are. You are engaged to the love of your life. So wedding planning may be delayed due to deployments. It's okay. You are blessed beyond belief with that one. Just hold on tight and it will all be alright.

3.) I don't know where you've put your patience, but you've lost it. Go find it...like right now. No one wants to hear you run your mouth complaining, so just stop. Stop with the whining, and wait in line. Stop, because you whining isn't going to make the room any cooler. Just stop, chill out and keep your mouth shut. This one will carry you far in life.

4.) Keep reading. In a world of ignorant individuals, just keep reading. there's a time for fashion magazines, and a time for old books, a time for kindles and a time for blogs, just make time for all of your writings. Whether it be typed blogs or napkins, or dog eared pages in a journal, or letters to family and friends, never stop reading or writing all of these things. Years from now, all those words will be worth more than gold to you.

5.) If you don't know the answer to something, listen to country music. Even if it doesn't answer your question, I guarantee, you'll feel better after 'takin' a back road,' or 'walking down the streets of Bakersfield.' There will always be a cheer or a toast to the nights you don't remember and there will always be time for '5 o clock somewhere.'

6.)  You have so many people behind you. Be there for them too. Whether its a cup of coffee in the morning or a hug, make time for everyone that makes time for you. Your friends are the key to many doors that will be opened for you. Remember to always be appreciative of this, and unlock doors for others as well. It's the way for the circle to continue on.

7.) Your, you're, their, they're...for the love of God don't fuck this rule away.

8.) Stop letting others determine how you feel about yourself. Are they living and walking in your shoes everyday? No. I don't care if its family, friends or complete strangers, if they don't like something that you absolutely love, just let it go. You belong in this world to love what you love, not love what is popular.

9.) Have confidence. For some unknown reason, I let others make me feel inadequate at times. Why? That is definitely not the case. Everyone is special. Everyone is unique, and if you think you are the smartest person to ever walk in the room, you might as well just leave the room. Others will always know something more than you, just as you will know more than someone else. If we can't learn from one another what's the point?

10.) Know when to give up and just have a glass of wine.... or two.....or the bottle! It could be 10am, or it could be 2am, but there is no better a time to have a glass of wine than when you think you should.

11.) You're cool because you're yourself. You're desperate when you try to act like someone else.

12.) For the love of god, don't ask if its appropriate to double dip. Honestly if you're sharing chips with someone who cares about that kind of stuff, you should just eat their chips until they feel left out and leave. Double dipping!! For real.... and I want ketchup on each bite of fry. Judge me if you want but I don't give a shit.

13.) When you go to a fancy restaurant and order a bottle of wine, the waiter will proceed to fill your cup up halfway. I know, I know…it makes zero sense… When I order a whole bottle of wine, I intend to drink the whole bottle of wine. Just wait until the waiter leaves and fill that cup up sister!!

14.) In the reality of today when rap is popular, yet you can't understand why…just nod your head and turn on old beach classics…if that's what you want.

15.) Understand that the SAT is on a 2400 scale now. Everyone you work with is younger than you, and sometimes (all times) you will feel way to mature to even join the conversation. That's okay. It doesn't mean you are better than them, it just means you need to allow them to make their own mistakes rather than send criticism their way.

16.) You don't have to like the people you work with. You just have to complete the day.

17.) You don't need more friends. If you want to sit on your couch this weekend and netflix, you shouldn't have to feel guilty about it. You don't need to explain yourself. You are blessed with the friends that you have and they are wonderful. So what if you don't keep in touch with whoever, its your choice. And if you don't have seven freaking bridesmaids at your wedding, you know what that means...a cheaper fucking wedding.

18.) And curse less. You sound like a fucking sailor. Oh wait....

Love Danielle.

Keep Reading

Keep reading. In a world of ignorant individuals, just keep reading. I don't care if its a fashion magazine or a sports review. I commend you for picking up a classic and challenge you to something with substance. I won't judge you on a trashy romance novel, or Twilight, and the likes. Just keep reading. Push aside the video games. Refrain from Facebook, twitter, and instagram. Pull yourself away from Netflix. I know it will be hard. I struggle too, but find satisfaction in the simplicity of words inked into pages (or your kindle. You pick the poison).

As, Dr Suess said, "Oh the places you will go..." Well nowhere...you are going nowhere, if you don't read. It saddens me to think of people who hate reading. That statement seriously pains me. I find ignorance in people who make that remark. I want to push and question them. Why? What have you ever tried reading? High school required reading? Can you put a chair together without reading instructions first? I mean, that statement..."I hate reading!" is almost preposterous. But perhaps I am insane. I read everything. And I read it with intense curiosity. I always have, even has a child.

I often wonder how kids grow into the personalities they have as adults. Sure, your upbringing and parents effect you. Both my dad and mom have always loved to read. Many days my mom would read on the couch. And you wouldn't see her bedside table with a tattered copy of something. My dad has been a big fan of biographies. He'd pick up the biography of a music artist or historical figure he was interested in at the time. But there has to be more outside of your parents that affects your personality. What makes kids more into sports/ more intellectual? I know that some parents force hobbies onto their children but, thankfully, nothing was forced on me. I always read. I wasn't forced to. I enjoyed required readings, even over the summers. I drove myself to the library once I was old enough. I found satisfaction in completing large volumes. I remember finishing Anna Karrenina around 13. I understood very little about it, but I completed it.

I would go yard sale to yard sale picking up old copies of books I saw in libraries. I built my shelves into an adventure I planned to complete before I died. Sometimes I would even end up with two copies, forgetting what I had. I can't even remember what I read when I was younger. The Phantom Tollbooth, Agatha Christie, even Babysitter's Club were among a few. I know as I grew older, I pushed my limits on what would be acceptable for a young adult to read. There was no censorship on my reading. And if it didn't make sense, at the ending page, I would turn the book around and begin again. I have read and re-read many classics such as, Jane Eyre, Into the Wild,  and my all time favorite, The Catcher and the Rye.

 I truly believe that my love of reading has transformed me into the individual I am today. I am a social butterfly. I love people. Some days I find loneliness in a quiet apartment and pick up a book, or magazine to console me. In those books, within those characters I find friends, and also enemies.

In Stephen King I find harsh realities in bone chilling tales. I oftentimes, hitch a train and smoke illegal drugs with Kerouac, Ginsberg and Thomson. Its always a party. We find the best live music, and take advantage of people's kindness. I read true accounts of the Appalachian trial and escape into the wild with Jennifer Pharr Davis. I read dark stories about the holocaust and fall in love in stories set abroad. I go to France and Ireland. I visit Germany and Japan. I am capable and I am fearless. Whoever I am not in the real world, I can be in books. The confidence I lack in the real world is, then, granted into my readings and writings.

Sometimes I turn to the internet. I am no saint and will tell you, I spend far too much time on Facebook. I am often directed to blogs and articles written by people like me. We don't know each other, but I guarantee if we met, we would hit it off like old friends. Perhaps they are typing with a cup of coffee beside of them, in the silence of their apartments expressing their opinions to people they don't know. sThey have high hope for page views, comments and/or someone to publish them. they yearn to complete a book, or perhaps they already have. Regardless, they sit on the edge of their chair waiting for the next topic to come to mind. As it may be, they use writing as an excuse to experience life. Yes, live music. Yes, lets travel. Yes, lets have a beer. I am that reader...as well as that writer. I hope to always be.

My love of reading has shaped the way I talk, as well as, the way I write. I write just like I talk...straight to the point. I will not write a sentence that doesn't sound like me. I don't smother my sentences in big words. If I wouldn't say them, I won't type them either. With that being said, my grammar is so so. Why write something that doesn't sound real. Most people don't talk in complete sentences. We use run ons and fragments. I believe reading builds stronger vocabularies. I am always searching for new words and adjectives to describe shitty situations, lovely foods and feelings in my life. I challenge my fiancé with words and sometimes lose. It's okay though, because with each new word comes a sense of accomplishment. I keep a running list of words I would like to use on my phone. And if you want to call me a nerd, go ahead. I am one.

My life would not be the same without the typed blogs, notes scribbled on napkins saved for decades, dog eared pages, or weathered journals with letters from friends and family. I will never stop reading or writing all of these things. Years from now, all those words will be worth more than gold to me, imaginably maybe, to you too.

Best Marriage Ever

So, I am not married yet, but Zach and I are working on it. And by working on it, I don't mean showing off my ring and planning our wedding. (Ok so that's kind of a fib, I'm on pinterest ALOT and I do love my ring, but we really haven't made any plans yet.) With him being in Japan and me stateside, the most we know is the season that we are hoping for.

People say engagements are for wedding planning but our engagement hasn't included plans yet.
I am trying to plan our marriage, rather than our wedding. And I know, I know that this sounds crazy. Zach tells me all the time that I am a worry wort and I just need to let life take the reins, but hey, I may be right in this case. Think about it...how many women plan their dream wedding down to the tiny little table toppers and three years later find themselves in a marriage rut?

Maybe Zach and I don't care about table toppers, and flowers just aren't a high priority but, communication is at the top of our list. I believe we have been doing an outstanding job at staying in touch. I am putting my full efforts into Zachary because I love him so much and vice versa. So really, nothing has changed, since me leaving Japan, except its now in writing. I love how putting the words down always makes anything more official. An adventure written down has more purpose. A love story captivated in words can live on for years.  I am not doing anything different other than establishing my priorities on my fiancé.

The purpose of an engagement is to prepare for a lifelong commitment, not to plan a wedding. And understand that, I am no expert. I have never been engaged before and never planned a wedding so perhaps taking tips from me would be silly. But here is my story. (And wedding planning is stressful anyways...)

Zach is in Japan still and I am in Virginia Beach. He should stationed in Virginia by June or July. That gives us, 5 to 6 months of separation by a rather large ocean. We have plenty of time to Skype, email, and Facebook, but it is not the same as an engaged couple minutes from each other. Who wants a story like everyone else, right?

Looking at it from an outside view, it sucks. And looking at it from the inside it sucks, too. I am thankful of the time we do have. We probably talk to each other at least once or twice a day. At 330a, we FaceTime. The first thing I do when I wake up is open Facebook and look for the little green "online" light. That light is a beacon to my happiness. When it shines brightly. I know Zachary is waiting for me to wake up. The anticipation nearly gets me out of bed every morning. In the messages I am left with clear instructions: "Good morning babe. I love you but go make coffee first and then shower. FaceTime when you're ready. You're scary before coffee"  And here I am alone in the apartment smiling, at 330a. After a shower and a little coffee, I hear the FaceTime noise. And just like that...we're having a meal together. At 4a, I have breakfast and dinner time in Japan he has dinner. And so it goes, our daily love story.

I leave him with happy thoughts, laughs and ridiculous jokes before he sleeps. And he leaves me with confidence and a sense of self as I leave for work. We don't get up and use Facebook for any other reason. I don't watch the news, or tv. We physically talk to one another in the morning and I hope throughout our marriage that it never stops.

Zachary is also greeted with many letters in the mail. I send him cute holiday cards, postcards and even random notes in the mail. I remember what it was like not to receive any mail in Japan. I don't want that to happen to Zach. I spend my Sundays with a glass of wine decorating the fronts of envelopes and purchasing a ridiculous amount of stamps. (The sticky ones... not the ones you have to lick. I hate that shit.) He isn't so well at writing back but I don't expect him too. That's not why I do it. I literally have genuine joy out of writing to him and dropping snail mail. I don't want to ever stop writing love notes. I hope that stays a vital part of our marriage. (Without the stamps, of course!)

We don't cancel plans with friends for each other. Zachary spent New Years in Tokyo, while my cousins came up to Virginia Beach. I don't want you to think that we sit and pine by the computer until the other is home. Its not like that. We fill each other in on the details, so the other knows and then we compromise on a time that is truly never convenient, but staying up until 3a for the one you love is not a sacrifice. Its worth it, even if its only for a few minutes. It almost seems as though my awesome times with family and friends here without him aren't really grand until they are shared with him. I love racking up on funny things all day to tell Zachary about on Skype. It's always fun hearing his stories too because I know all the people in Japan still. He talks about me in the magazine and how much he is looking forward to moving into the apartment. I miss my japan people a lot.

I have searched "What time is it in Japan" so often that now google only requires me to type "wh" and it brings up Japan's time. Thanks google. I feel like a stalker.

The lack of physical interaction we have seems to be building our relationship stronger. I've never been more appreciative of Zach in my life. I don't think I've ever talked about him so much either. It's interesting meeting the love of your life in Japan while you are away from your family. Our love story sometimes feels surreal to me. I wasn't a different person in Japan, but I was granted so many opportunities. Together we traveled the world by foot, train. So many walks and talks we had. Zach has made me a  better leader. My family doesn't see the harsh realities that go along with the navy. I know they would be proud seeing me in a leadership position, but I wouldn't be where I am today without Zach.

Being back stateside is kind of surreal. Everyone has their heads in their phones. Text messages are cold and dinners lack chatter. I am thankful for technology and what it has given Zach and I but I have reevaluated how I use social media because of what I have seen in the last two months.

While we traipsed around Japan, never did I pull my phone out at dinner. We didn't play video games. Our priorities on wifi were to skype our families. We missed traditions. We missed family gatherings. I guess I am not only more appreciative of Zach but more appreciate of my family as well. Shame on those who choose not to celebrate Christmas with their families this year. Many of my friends in Japan, we're not granted even the option to be home.

So yes, instead of building a wedding, we're building a marriage. I am focused on that. Appreciating moments every day, until he is home. And when he is home, our moments will officially begin (without the use of technology). What a lovely thought.

What Puts You in Holiday Spirit?

I used to absolutely LOVE Christmastime. I remember being in college frantically studying for all of my finals so I could just be home and celebrate Christmas with the family. My family has many Christmas traditions.

My family celebrates a "Baking Day" where everyone comes together to cook their specialty recipes. It's probably one of my favorite days out of the entire year. I have a major sweet tooth. We all carry containers and trade our leftovers. So you may only make cookies, but you go home with cookies, fudge, rice krispies, etc.

 My aunt Denise makes peanut butter fudge every year. I'm salivating right now just thinking about it.  She alway sent me some in the mail when I was in Japan too. My aunt Linda, always brings over sugar cookies for the kids in the family to make. And by kid, I mean, the kids and me. I love decorating sugar cookies. Baking day is a terrible idea in theory because I FEEL that everything needs to be tasted prior to bake and after baking. Why waste the brownie mix that can't be 100% scraped out of the bowl. There are kids around the world who would love to lick that spoon. I make that job my boss. I go home with a stomach ache. I make oatmeal raisin cookies from scratch that the family swoons about. I really don't see what the big deal is about them. I've never loved them as much as everyone else. I rarely even eat them. My brother used to pay me (well, in a meal a taco bell) to make a batch for him. My mom makes ginger bread cookies (which  I could destroy in one sitting if I wanted to). All in all, its a really lovely day.

So it got me thinking. What is Christmas really? I know that everyone celebrates for different reasons but the reasons that stick out in my mind are family traditions or memories that I look back on and appreciate. Half of the traditions and memories totally beat opening up Christmas presents. I guess Christmas is more of a feeling. Like the feeling of knowing that when you go to your Aunt's house for Christmas there will be pimento cheese sandwiches, soup and homemade chili. All these little holiday things beat the big things for me.

My first apartment in Cullowhee, NC, whom I shared with Katie Blumsack, was nothing but mismatched furniture and a fridge stocked with cheap beer  and nothing else. This was the very apartment that I purchased my very first Christmas tree. I saved up $15 that was suppose to go on gas and cheap mexican food and spent it on a 3 foot white Christmas tree with white lights instead. Caroline and I set it up on Halloween night with pink and white ornaments. Honestly it looked like my tree exploded in pepto bismol, but it was exactly what I wanted at the time. I was so thrilled with seeing it in the window everyday when I arrived home. That tree stayed up until well after Valentine's day. I was so proud. You couldn't pay me to put that tree in my apt now. It was absolutely hideous. It's funny how your tastes change over the years. Rose and white were pumping through my veins at the time. (Only Phi Mus will get this reference).

Back in the day, I jammed out to those ridiculous stations that played Christmas music 24/7. I've always loved the classics. But they threw some in that I hated too.

Here's a list:
1.) "The Drummer Boy" (and you'll be singing that for the rest of the day)
2.) Wonderful Christmastime" C'mon Paul is this really necessary?
3.) "Little Saint Nick" The Beach Boys
4.)"All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth" (my two front teeth...my two front teeth"
5.) Oh and "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"

And the song to take it all is Ricky Martin, "Ay Ay Ay Its Christmas" It will literally make you want to shoot your eyes out. If you've never heard it, you're gonna kill me, but here it is. Have a listen.

Last year when I was away from home I had all my friends and families send me pictures of Christmas trees through Facebook. I was absolutely flooded with pictures. It was hard being in the holiday spirit so far from home.

But there was one picture that I cherished last year and I've always cherished it in person. This tree resides in Gates County, NC. It's never been anywhere else, but before I get ahead of myself with trees.... first, christmas ornaments.Which ones are your favorite? With Christmas traditions as my topic, I'm sure many families have traditions and ornaments passed down through the years. Maybe this question is hard for some, but for me this is easy.

My favorite ornament is a white dove. Well, it was once white...now it is more of a dirty beige. It is missing the string that hangs it to the tree. The felt is worn off in places, the black eye is gone, and the words, "Danielle 1988' have long faded. It was probably purchased at a dollar store ages ago, but the story doesn't stop here.

At my Grandma's house every Christmas, the Truman Greene family sets up a beautiful big christmas tree with sparkling white lights, silver ornaments and a tree filled with white doves. Most of the ornaments are older than myself. You see, each bird represents a family member, and if the Truman Greene family has anything, it's lots of white doves. I'm happy to say we've had some new additions to our family christmas tree this year. Through marriages or births, whenever you join the "Truman Greene Family" you are granted a white dove to sit upon the Truman Greene Christmas tree, with your name and birth year inscribed. This isn't something to take lightly by the way. A bird atop this tree is truly a welcome! I cannot wait for Zachary to get his dove. I can't wait to watch him get excited about searching for his name on the tree. I've always loved finding my bird on the tree. I used to move it closer to Jonathan or Daddy's name when I was younger. Shhh, don't tell Grandma, I messed with the ornaments when I was a kid!

Before I came to Japan in August of 2011, I asked my grandma for my white dove. I wanted a part of the family beside me and what better way than to have my dove. Grandmama was skeptical at first about the bird fleeing the Truman Greene family tree, as I'm sure she was skeptical about me being halfway across the world. I told my grandma, that the bird would see the world and would one day fly back home. More importantly, taking my dove with me would be a way to take my family with me and always be home. You see, family isn't a holiday thing; it's a year round thing. Soon, she began to feel more comfortable about releasing the bird from the tree.

So the bird has now returned home. I took very good care of it while it was away. Everytime I opened my zach on deployment...there it was. It now sits on a shelf in my apartment in VA beach. I would not dare enter Grandmama's house this Christmas without it, for this bird is ready to fly home and land on that tree.

Who knew that a christmas ornament could evoke so many feelings? Who knew that a cd could send a vibe to carry me home to the Truman Greene family, an ocean away. The simple strum of a mandolin or pluck of a bass guitar…and there I am. HOME.

When I was in Japan away from home on Christmas day I could care less that it was Christmas. Friends were working. My family was sleeping. I didn't care at all that it was Christmas. Mostly I just wanted it to pass. I settled for sushi or Ramen and anxiously awaited my 15 days of leave....or when I could come home.

So this year for Christmas, I am blessed to be home. I am sad that I cannot celebrate it with Zach this year. But I know that when he arrives in January we can have Christmas all over again. Because I don't care about the presents, or the terrible music played on the radio and I can watch Elf whenever I want. Christmas is but a day to appreciate the ones you love (and the ones who drive you crazy). December 25th is the official day but it can be celebrated as often as possible. Because, when isn't the right time to tell someone you care and appreciate them? And Christmas doesn't truly happen until you're with the ones you love.

Feels Good to Be Back

My family is all about music. We've got musical talent threaded into our veins. My dad plays an assortment of instruments. My Grandma sings and plays guitar. My granddad turns 90 this year, and he is still a pickin' his old mandolin. My uncles all sing and/or play drums, steel guitar, guitar, etc. My aunt sings. My brother plays drums. I however, don't do any of those things. Ok, well sometimes I sell the cd's or run the sound board. But musically speaking...I jam out in the shower... Or the car... but only when no one is with me. But when I say jam out....I mean air guitar, head shaking,...we should probably be concerned about my driving abilities. My show would definitely sell out if I allowed it. Good thing I'm not going pro. Celebrity status is rough.

My family and I were talking the other, while tailgating at an ECU game. There was beer, there was bojangles, PURPLE, GOLD....okay I'm probably losing you with the college football references. (Whatever, it's my blog) Anyways, my parents did a good job of instilling my brother and I, to absolutely love music. It didn't stop at one music genre. either.  Sure, I had Hank Williams, Johnny Cash, Merle and Buck, but the Beatles were there too. As a child I ruined Yellow Submarine for myself. Never again will I play it. It forever be skipped. How on earth my dad survived "We all live in a yellow submarine...yellow submarine... yellow submarine" sung over and over again, by a 5 year old, I might add, is beyond me.

I had motown, and beach music. I lived "Under the Boardwalk." I heard shag music. I heard bluegrass, and I heard bluegrass some more. It stayed with me. I guess what I'm getting at is, I totally get music. I understand it. The feelings evoked are truer than any tv show. Sometimes it even beats conversations with people. I cannot fathom getting up in the morning and turning on the news. SO much depression, sadness, boring politics...ughh. I'd rather hear anything other than the news. I can read about all that stuff. Zachary and I have discussed this. Coffee goes much better in the morning, with the positive vibes that music emits. The news would just put a damper on not only my day, but, my coffee, as well.

So, I guess what I'm getting at is, God missed the memo  to give me any thread of musical talent. Sure, I love and appreciate it, but I can't play a lick of anything.  He gave me writing abilities instead. Totally fine by me. I used to be better about writing. Since joining the navy, I haven't been loyal to this blog, but I hope to continue to grow as a writer, even if I never make it a career.

I would say I am kind of crafty as well. The kind of, comes in when I decide to conquer a task a bit too challenging. Have you seen those pinterest fails? Yeah that's me sometimes. I hate to admit it but its true. I lack the patience that is necessary of a true artist. Paint drying...."Oh my god. I just want to finish it today!!!" "Maybe I can just, maybe its dry here....nope still wet... shit!!! I totally messed it up now."

People get into the holiday spirit in different ways but my idea of spreading Christmas cheer is making handmade gifts. Give me a cup of coffee, and Ed Sheeran and I'll fill the entire night up. This is a picture of me above. Instead thogh, it's Sam Smith. Shhh...don't tell Ed.

 Since returning from Japan, I turned into a grinch. Honestly, I mean, what can you expect, I've missed Christmas 3 years in a row and the first Christmas back, my fiancé is in Japan still. Forgive me for not being so jolly as I should. But I don't care much about celebrating Christmas without him. I put a tiny tree up (thanks mom) and I have some red accents in the apartment. I go through phases of painting canvases, wooden boxes, ornaments, etc. My hobby currently is wood burning.

I was working on this absolutely beautiful wood burned sign for a family member, and when I was finally finished I realized that I wrote a cursive 'S' instead of a cursive 'I' in the sentence. And I thought, (2 glasses of wine down) "Oh I can fix this. I'll just make the I look fancy." So, I attempted to put a swirl in the cursive S but it just ended up looking like half a fish. "Well it IS a bible verse, perhaps I can just, oh crap...it really looks like a fish now." I called Caroline (a true artist) with what I should do. "It's okay Danielle, from far away...you can barely even tell. Or maybe you can turn it into an eyeball" I appreciated her input, but, far away or close up...it still just looked like an I with a christian fish through the middle of it, which makes absolutely no sense at all. But then again, neither did turning it into an eyeball. Back to Michaels I went.

Question: how do you go into Michaels with one thing on your list and come out with three bagfuls? Do you do that or is it just me? That dollar row gets me every time!!! "Oh, stationary... do they have a D? Yes!!!! My initial, for a dollar...why not!?! And these cool candle votives are RED. Now that is so Christmasy. I MUST buy them. Oh this is a nice antique looking key. I could buy this for the tree that it will CERTAINLY NOT FIT ON....but it is only a dollar....." I think Michaels brainwashes you while you are standing in line.

I have absolutely no idea what to title this because it was suppose to be about music and here I am writing whimsically on Michaels and trying to be crafty. Sorry. I lost my creative side while I was stationed in Japan. And if this is my creative side...ramblings on the most random subjects that make no sense, I'll take it because I never feel more myself than during the constant clickings of the keyboard.

Engaged!!!!

Journal entry while underway, July 29, 2014
"I love him. I love him. I love him. I just want to be able to kiss him everyday, and sleep soundly cuddled next him at night. I am interested in no one else. A ship full of men and you couldn't pay me to cash him in. No trades. I've won. Finally someone who gets me but challenges me too. I can't fail with him by my side. He won't allow it. I can't doubt myself but instead I'm forced to grow. At 26, with that thought imagine how capable we'll be in 20 years. I no longer have lonely moments when alone but instead I'm empowered in my thoughts. It's absolutely crazy where life takes you. He brightens my day"

I always thought of a fairy tale romance with everything laid out before me. I dreamed of a prince charming growing up. I think every young girl does. But I realized what I wished for in movies isn't necessarily what it is needed in my life. Sure I get compliments daily. I get breakfast prepared for me with smiles. I get kisses before coffee and cupcakes whenever I want. I have that wavering feeling of "Man, this guy is the one." But I don't have someone who gives me my way all the time. I don't always have the right answers and I don't always win my battles. (Even when I want to soooo bad.) It's 2014, and I'm convinced that prince charming isn't like the movies.  There aren't Cinderella's. They just don't exist. But you know what does? Danielle and Zachary. Who wants to watch a movie about a girl who lost her shoe when they can hear a real love story unfold?

 No one will love you the way you think they should. I'm telling you, our girlish expectations can never be met by men these days because people are only capable of loving you with their whole heart on their own terms. Isn't this so much better than getting exactly what you want? The love they provide will not give you exactly what you ask for? It may not put you on a pedestal. My love story isn't boring. It takes work. I do get spoiled but its about so much more.

You can have your family who loves you regardless  of the decisions you make but its important to have someone to drive you crazy. Someone that will push all your buttons, all at once. Zachary loves to push buttons. He's downright rotten. He'll push them all and watch the sirens flash in my head and wait for the steam to rise then sweep me off my feet and make me smile or laugh again. I think its a game to him.  But who is truly winning, my friends?

I am  capable of so much more than I give myself credit for. Its important to me to have Zach in my life. He puts his confidence in me (when I lack my own) well past the moon and stars. He pushes me so out of my comfort zone, into the unknown. It's scary and I think I'm not capable. but I make it. I make it with flying colors. And all the while that I think I won't survive, I blossom into a stronger more independent woman with a man right by my side.

I'm a self motivator. Always studying, always trying to be better, trying to be kinder but what I have in motivation I lack in self confidence. This is where Zach comes in, he's my confidence when I need it, and I'm his motivation to continue on. He is so proud and confident in his abilities, but sometimes he needs a small push. I'm his push.

Anyways, to get to the love story…

It was in his pocket the whole time. It was there during a bowling date, mash up music blaring and a fabulous steak dinner. It was there every morning as we arose to bad morning breath, and smothered kisses in laughter. It was there  during the lovey dovey feelings, Skype dates, and religious conversations over downed beers. It was there with my best friend. He had it is his back pocket the whole time.

We had just arrived to Atsugi after a 4 day trek across Japan with only book bags on our backs. We were both excited about laying bed, being lazy and cooking meals together after walking EVERYWHERE. We wanted a normal life for two weeks. We wanted to spend time with each other, just the two of us. Our trek was truly unforgettable. We stood under the Itsukshima shrine on Miyajima island just off the coast of Hirashima. It was night time and the water was up to our knees almost. We kissed underneath the shrine and I swear it was like the movies. The rain started pouring down from the sky and we laughed, and continued to kiss. It would have been the perfect proposal story. But that shrine is not my proposal story. Nor, do I wish it was. Traveling is something that Zach and I will always share. No matter where we go, all the places we've been would all make a beautiful proposal but I like our story better, because its real. 

After two incredible weeks in Atsugi we returned to Yokosuka because Zach had work in two days. Our last day together, we chose to go to Yokohama. Yokohama is a nice area of Japan with many things to do. We went to a lovely rooftop wine bar that night. I looked beautiful  I wore a vintage dress and sported red lips, limited eye make up and cute flats. I think he was going to propose here but I never went to the bathroom. His plan was to ask the bartender to take a picture/video when I came back from the bathroom, but I never went. (I didn't know I was suppose to go!) 
The next morning I was interested in going to H&M and Zach wanted to ride the ferris wheel.  We went to H&M but when it came time to ride the ferris wheel I was behaving like a butt head. It was raining and I felt self conscious about my hair. "Babe, do we really have to ride the ferris wheel. We've already ridden it a bunch of times?" I said. "No we don't have to go. It's ok. I don't want to go if you aren't interested in it." I later learned that Zach was planning a proposal in that ferris wheel, and that's why he wanted to ride it so bad. Instead, we sat on a curb (kind of) and watched the people go by, shielded from the rain until it stopped. We listened to music took pictures, talked about life, etc. He said he thought about proposing there too, but he was nervous, I guess. It was a lovely time. 
Zach stalled on the way back to Yokosuka. I didn't want to leave him yet either, so we stopped at the hub for happy hour. We have great memories of the hub very early on in our blossoming relationship, so I was more than obliged to go. As we were drinking our drinks we played a game. I name something to draw and whosever was prettier got a point. I don't even know what we drew. We drew lots of animals, houses, trees, etc. Finally he said, "Write something sweet, and whosever is better wins." I wrote three of the simplest sweetest words I could think of….."red velvet cake." I was grinning ear to ear when he looked up, he was writing a love story and I was being sarcastic. I think he was going to propose after we read our sweet napkins to each other. Oops! I didn't know those were his plans but, man that would've been smooth had I taken the game seriously. 
In scribbled messy handwriting his napkin said, "I can't imagine spending my life with someone else other than you. You complete me in every way possible. You really are the best thing that happened to me. I love you!"  I read it and said something along the lines of, "I love you too!!! I want to spend my life with you." He replied, "Well there's a chapel around the corner, lets go get married…" Very confidently I replied, …"No we can't do that. There's steps first."
And the conversation continued and moved on to something else. We left and as we were headed home, Zach says, "You sure you don't want to get married, the chapel is right over here…" We had just crossed the bridge and the subway was racing by above us as japanese people walked by. "Babe no! There's steps you have to propose first. " 
I think he was waiting for me to say something like that. And he got down on one knee. I started hitting him in the chest and protested "No Zach, get up! Get up! Get up. I'm not gonna let you ruin this for me. You don't even have anything!" And I began to walk away. He questioned, "Do I?" I turned around and watched him. He was down on one knee still as people passed by us. He pulled a box out of his back pocket and my knees truly felt weak. (I know that sounds cliche to say but they really did. My face was bright red too.) 
"I love you soooo much. Will you marry me?" I said, "Yes of course" with shaking hands he slid the ring on my left finger. Japanese couples continued to walk by. They were smiling and holding each other closer. I brushed the concrete off of his knee and we sat down on the curb. I hit him once more in the chest and smiled because, there would have been no other way for Zach to propose. Japan is us.

(August 14, 2014)