Journal entry while underway, July 29, 2014
"I love him. I love him. I love him. I just want to be able to kiss him everyday, and sleep soundly cuddled next him at night. I am interested in no one else. A ship full of men and you couldn't pay me to cash him in. No trades. I've won. Finally someone who gets me but challenges me too. I can't fail with him by my side. He won't allow it. I can't doubt myself but instead I'm forced to grow. At 26, with that thought imagine how capable we'll be in 20 years. I no longer have lonely moments when alone but instead I'm empowered in my thoughts. It's absolutely crazy where life takes you. He brightens my day"
No one will love you the way you think they should. I'm telling you, our girlish expectations can never be met by men these days because people are only capable of loving you with their whole heart on their own terms. Isn't this so much better than getting exactly what you want? The love they provide will not give you exactly what you ask for? It may not put you on a pedestal. My love story isn't boring. It takes work. I do get spoiled but its about so much more.
You can have your family who loves you regardless of the decisions you make but its important to have someone to drive you crazy. Someone that will push all your buttons, all at once. Zachary loves to push buttons. He's downright rotten. He'll push them all and watch the sirens flash in my head and wait for the steam to rise then sweep me off my feet and make me smile or laugh again. I think its a game to him. But who is truly winning, my friends?
I am capable of so much more than I give myself credit for. Its important to me to have Zach in my life. He puts his confidence in me (when I lack my own) well past the moon and stars. He pushes me so out of my comfort zone, into the unknown. It's scary and I think I'm not capable. but I make it. I make it with flying colors. And all the while that I think I won't survive, I blossom into a stronger more independent woman with a man right by my side.
I'm a self motivator. Always studying, always trying to be better, trying to be kinder but what I have in motivation I lack in self confidence. This is where Zach comes in, he's my confidence when I need it, and I'm his motivation to continue on. He is so proud and confident in his abilities, but sometimes he needs a small push. I'm his push.
Anyways, to get to the love story…
It was in his pocket the whole time. It was there during a bowling date, mash up music blaring and a fabulous steak dinner. It was there every morning as we arose to bad morning breath, and smothered kisses in laughter. It was there during the lovey dovey feelings, Skype dates, and religious conversations over downed beers. It was there with my best friend. He had it is his back pocket the whole time.
We had just arrived to Atsugi after a 4 day trek across Japan with only book bags on our backs. We were both excited about laying bed, being lazy and cooking meals together after walking EVERYWHERE. We wanted a normal life for two weeks. We wanted to spend time with each other, just the two of us. Our trek was truly unforgettable. We stood under the Itsukshima shrine on Miyajima island just off the coast of Hirashima. It was night time and the water was up to our knees almost. We kissed underneath the shrine and I swear it was like the movies. The rain started pouring down from the sky and we laughed, and continued to kiss. It would have been the perfect proposal story. But that shrine is not my proposal story. Nor, do I wish it was. Traveling is something that Zach and I will always share. No matter where we go, all the places we've been would all make a beautiful proposal but I like our story better, because its real.
After two incredible weeks in Atsugi we returned to Yokosuka because Zach had work in two days. Our last day together, we chose to go to Yokohama. Yokohama is a nice area of Japan with many things to do. We went to a lovely rooftop wine bar that night. I looked beautiful I wore a vintage dress and sported red lips, limited eye make up and cute flats. I think he was going to propose here but I never went to the bathroom. His plan was to ask the bartender to take a picture/video when I came back from the bathroom, but I never went. (I didn't know I was suppose to go!)
The next morning I was interested in going to H&M and Zach wanted to ride the ferris wheel. We went to H&M but when it came time to ride the ferris wheel I was behaving like a butt head. It was raining and I felt self conscious about my hair. "Babe, do we really have to ride the ferris wheel. We've already ridden it a bunch of times?" I said. "No we don't have to go. It's ok. I don't want to go if you aren't interested in it." I later learned that Zach was planning a proposal in that ferris wheel, and that's why he wanted to ride it so bad. Instead, we sat on a curb (kind of) and watched the people go by, shielded from the rain until it stopped. We listened to music took pictures, talked about life, etc. He said he thought about proposing there too, but he was nervous, I guess. It was a lovely time.
Zach stalled on the way back to Yokosuka. I didn't want to leave him yet either, so we stopped at the hub for happy hour. We have great memories of the hub very early on in our blossoming relationship, so I was more than obliged to go. As we were drinking our drinks we played a game. I name something to draw and whosever was prettier got a point. I don't even know what we drew. We drew lots of animals, houses, trees, etc. Finally he said, "Write something sweet, and whosever is better wins." I wrote three of the simplest sweetest words I could think of….."red velvet cake." I was grinning ear to ear when he looked up, he was writing a love story and I was being sarcastic. I think he was going to propose after we read our sweet napkins to each other. Oops! I didn't know those were his plans but, man that would've been smooth had I taken the game seriously.
In scribbled messy handwriting his napkin said, "I can't imagine spending my life with someone else other than you. You complete me in every way possible. You really are the best thing that happened to me. I love you!" I read it and said something along the lines of, "I love you too!!! I want to spend my life with you." He replied, "Well there's a chapel around the corner, lets go get married…" Very confidently I replied, …"No we can't do that. There's steps first."
And the conversation continued and moved on to something else. We left and as we were headed home, Zach says, "You sure you don't want to get married, the chapel is right over here…" We had just crossed the bridge and the subway was racing by above us as japanese people walked by. "Babe no! There's steps you have to propose first. "
I think he was waiting for me to say something like that. And he got down on one knee. I started hitting him in the chest and protested "No Zach, get up! Get up! Get up. I'm not gonna let you ruin this for me. You don't even have anything!" And I began to walk away. He questioned, "Do I?" I turned around and watched him. He was down on one knee still as people passed by us. He pulled a box out of his back pocket and my knees truly felt weak. (I know that sounds cliche to say but they really did. My face was bright red too.)
"I love you soooo much. Will you marry me?" I said, "Yes of course" with shaking hands he slid the ring on my left finger. Japanese couples continued to walk by. They were smiling and holding each other closer. I brushed the concrete off of his knee and we sat down on the curb. I hit him once more in the chest and smiled because, there would have been no other way for Zach to propose. Japan is us.
(August 14, 2014)
