Wasp Catastrophe

This past weekend I went camping with a few friends and had an absolute blast. There is nothing better than laying down looking up at the stars, only to wake up to clouds above you. It was my birthday weekend and my friends really made it special for me. There was one problem...

The downside to this whole camping thing is the squatting aspect of using the bathroom. So, I'm not gonna sugar coat it for you, there was no bathroom on this camping trip. With that being said, understand that I squatted and peed behind trees. Yes, we had toilet paper. Yes, we had hand sanitizer, but let me tell you, its not the easiest thing in the world to pee in the woods, as a girl.

Guys can just stand there, turn their backs and whip it out. Being a girl and having to pee in the woods, requires a bit more complications. 1.) You have to find a secluded location. Its easier to find when in the dark. Sadly, when your in the dark, anything that brushes up against you, scares the shit out of you. I was drinking this weekend, so my liquid courage was up, but let me tell you, anything that brushed against me, I was ready to fight. 2.) We require toilet paper, as females. There is no shake, and tuck it back in. Yeah that doesn't happen. So every time you use the bathroom, you take toilet paper with you and bury the evidence.

At the beginning of the trip I took Pyne or Thomas with me whenever I needed to relieve myself. Those who pee together, stay together, I've always said. Well long story short, Pyne fell asleep and Thomas fell in love with a hammock; so I was on my own.

Everything was going fine until my life almost ended...seriously. I'm lucky to be alive right now. The camping trip was a success and in a couple hours I would be on my way to a shower and fuctional toilet facility. Anyways, it's morning time, and I decided I needed to use the bathroom.

 Toilet paper in hand, I found a secluded location to squat, and then it happened. I unbutton my pants and shimmy my underwear and shorts down to around my knees. As I squatted, and pee flew freely, a wasp decided it wanted to join in. WTF. Just imagine it, pant's down and a wasp wants to go for a swim in the puddle below you. Yeah, that's how close this wasp was to my hoohaa. (Is that how you spell it?) Vagina. I don't know. It was so freakin' close to my vagina.

I was about to go into cardiac arrest I was so terrified. So what do you do in that moment? You can't scream. That'll startle it. So, I just tried to pee on it. Wrong. Mistake number 1. That just pissed it off. Instead of sitting there minding its own business, it decided to start buzzing around me because it was mad. I made it mad by trying to drown it in my pee.

All of your defenses are down when your pants are at your ankles by the way. So as I am peeing and the wasp is flying I start trying to waddle away from it, all the while still peeing. Do you know how hard it is the pee and walk without dribbling on your toes? Yeah, definitely goes down in the peeing olympics. I should have a gold medal right now.

Well, the wasp wanted to play, apparently, because as I started this awkward squat waddle, IT FOLLOWED ME. All sorts of obscenities were being shouted at this 6 legged creature, by the way. This is why its important to pick a secluded location so you don't embarrass the shit out of yourself.

Finally, as I finished my business, it flew sort of away. It flew sort of away until I was bringing my shorts back up,  and then the little guy wanted to cuddle. "Get out! Get out! Get out," I yelled. Totally freaking out, I finally got away from it.

Whew. Sweat was dripping from my forehead. Never have I ever been so traumatized by something so tiny. So just so you know, peeing in the woods is not as easy as it looks. There are downfalls. I'm a country gal, but never will I ever relieve myself next to a wasp again. I didn't tell anyone about this story, as of yet.

First Kisses

I still remember my first kiss. Do you remember yours? It doesn't matter where you are or what you are wearing. Honestly, the guy isn't even really the important part. The important thing about first kisses isn't who it's with; its the feelings it evokes. Everything is in that moment right up until your lips first meet. Do you know what I am talking about? I'm going to do my best to try and describe it.

In kisses, whether they are firsts or not, you look into the other persons eyes, and everything else fades away. None of the stress is there. There are no plans. There are no worries. It just happens. You aren't worrying about who is around to see or if your going to be a bad kisser, it just happens. And in that; nothing matters.

Very first kisses are intimidating. My very first kiss was with this guy named J.J, in high school. I claim my first real kiss with my first boyfriend, Adam, because the story is better, but to be honest it happened before then. OK, I'll admit it, this very first kiss was kind of lousy. Why do guys in high school think its attractive to kind of have stubble as facial hair? He wasn't yet old enough to grow a beard, but he was trying, I guess. That stubble sucked.

My first relationship went as follows:
A friend of mine: "Danielle, J.J. thinks you're really cute. You should give him a chance."
Me: "Huh, why? What am I suppose to do?"
Same friend: "Just talk to him"
Me: *Shrugs shoulders* "OK"

So were dating. In high school (for me) this means holding hands in the hallway. This dating period lasted all of two weeks.

J.J: Hey Danielle, do you want to go to the football game with me
Me: No, I'm busy.
J.J. :Hey Danielle, do you want to go to the movies this Friday?
Me: I have to babysit.
J.J: Hey Danielle, do you want to go bowling?
Me: I really don't like bowling.

Eventually, it just fizzled out because I never agreed to go anywhere with him. I only wanted to hold his hand in the hallways. I was a real hit, you could say. I realized that I wasn't really into J.J. I just wanted a boyfriend at the time. I wanted a flower on valentines day and a kiss before class. I wanted someone to hug and someone to understand me. Later down the road, I realized how hard that really is to find. Sure, anyone can hug you, but not everyone understands you.

So, J.J. and I were not meant to be. You win some and lose some I guess. The first kiss I had with him was in the hallway of Providence High School. I had been dodging the act for quite some time because, lets be real, I didn't know what I was suppose to do. Tongue, no tongue? When do you know when to pull away? And if you close your eyes before you kiss how the hell are you suppose to know where their lips are? All these things were running through my head. Where should I put my hands? Is it appropriate kiss etiquette to make noises? And how am I suppose to breathe while all this is going down?

So I was clueless. but it happened one day. He walked me to English class and we were in a stairway just before the classroom. People were walking by but, I reached in to hug him and his mustache stubble tickled my upper lip. Shit he was going in for it. Thoughts were racing...and then he kissed me. It was just a peck, however it made me feel all tingly inside. What is that feeling? OK, for one, I didn't even really like the guy. I was just using him so I could have a boyfriend but it still felt kinda nice. What would this feeling be like with someone I actually cared for? At the time, I had no idea. Its funny how in high school, you think you rule the world when in all actuality you have  so much left to experience and learn. I acted like a real diva in high school.

So I know how to kiss now, but does anyone really know what they're doing when it comes to relationships these days? There is no mathematical equation or formula that adds up to the perfect relationship. So how are we suppose to know if its right? Are we all just kind of wingin' it through life because lately, that's what it feels like.

Who cares, if it doesn't make sense? Who cares if your decision could be wrong or if it will hurt someone in the end? If it feels right in the moment, shouldn't you just go for it? I think so. Anyways... this is how I've been living my life lately. I'm 25. Whoa, that sounds weird, but yeah, I really am. I'm 25, and to be honest with you, I'm tired of doing things and making decisions to please others. I just want to do what I want to do. Where's the harm in that? OK, well its not here yet...it will be, probably, but I'm not going to worry about that right now. I'd rather just commit myself to living in the moment, kissing who I want to kiss, wearing what I want to wear and writing what I want to write.

Why live for anyone else? The important one here is me, right?