Boycotting Resolutions

It's December 31, 2013. Kirsten and I decided to buy wine and ring in the new year on the couch and go to sleep before 2014 commences. We have duty tomorrow so why stay up until midnight anyways right?

Ringing in the new year with wine, isn't anything crazy. Let's be honest, we ring in just about every night with wine. And each night, have I ever been disappointed? No. 

The rule of thumb is "the prettiest label of wine is always the best tasting." Well apparently, this rule failed me today. We purchased a box of zinfandel red wine. It was so cute. It was made out of recycled paper with cursive writing. It was fairly cheap, so we thought, why not, right? Wrong.

Kirsten didn't care for the wine but she poured me a glass, just the same. I love bitter black coffee, so tasting red bitter wine hit my taste buds just right today. Well, approximately one glass later…I'm ready to take on the world. Tipsy would be the word to use. Confident. Frank. Tipsy. 

Writing this blog today, I feel very vocal and opinionated so here goes…

Today, I am boycotting resolutions. Why change what is already awesome? So that sounded cocky. I know I'm not perfect but why even utter a goal if you know its not true? or you know it's not going to be completed? Why even start what you know won't be finished?

Did I turn into work out barbie last year? No.

Ok so here's a quote.

"You are not what you think about doing tomorrow.
You are what you start to do, today."

So, I'm not doing anything today. I'm sitting in sweats, enjoying good music, wine and friends. I'm not running a 5K (or running at all, for that matter) I'm not cooking great foods. I'm not learning a second language or cleaning my room more. I am simply being me. If being me is what I accomplished in 2013, why not do the same for 2014. 

We have a Miley Cyrus in this world…and she's just being Miley…haha ok, not funny.

We have a Beyonce and an Ellen Degeneres. We have Katy Perry and Lady Gaga but who really cares?

What we really need in 2014 is more of Danielle Greene being Danielle Greene.

Maybe absolutely everything I say is stupid. Maybe I'm living in a grown up world and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing but at least I'm staying true to me, right?

It's sad to say but I truly believe that, I've experienced more in 3 years being single in Japan than most of my young married friends will ever experience in their whole lifetime.

Me: I'm living in Japan. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm eating foods I never knew existed and getting my hair cut by a girl who can't even understand me. If i want to eat an entire jar of nutella in one sitting, I will.

It's 2014, why not?

Reflecting back on 2013…it sucked. I learned a lot. I moved on and realized I deserved more. Instead of compliments about my outer beauty, i hope 2014 brings: "Your mind is so beautiful, I love the way you think, Your writing is a masterpiece." I'm tired of being complimented on things that don't matter.

Last year, I decided that my new years resolution would be to take the stairs more…well about 3 weeks into 2013 I decided that working on a ship I take the stairs enough. OPERATION FAIL!! What was I thinking?

"New years resolutions are great but they just make the gym crowded." Kirsten Pyne stated. She is so right. I love the gym. I really do. I do what I want to do and to be honest, I haven't been to the gym in awhile. I don't want to go. I'm happy eating pizza and drinking wine or beer and any man that sees me naked is going to be pleased regardless, so why not just do what I want to do whenever I want to do it.

I like to run. I like the feeling. I'll run when I want to run. So, yeah, 2014, bring it. No resolutions. I just want to live and be Danielle. What's more real than being me?

Mom's Legacy Essay

"Servire," meaning, to serve. This is East Carolina University's motto. It is also the motto my mom lives and guides her life on. Meet Bernice Harden: a woman who doesn't sit down until everyone feels at home. Bernice: a woman with a plan and two helping hands. Growing up, she didn't give me the choice to be lazy or not. I was raised and expected to work hard. Over the years, I have seen my mom continuously make strides in the community as well as in our family. I cannot think of another woman more capable who stands humbly before others ready to serve. As I grow up, I hope to emulate her in serving others prior to serving my own needs.

My parents divorced when I was young, but being a single mother didn't stop my mom from being on the fast track. We didn't have a lot growing up but that's what helped me to appreciate each and every moment of the day. She did everything and didn't rely on a man...well, except for me! She set up the tent when we went camping. She taught me to build the fire, cut the bushes, and paint the walls. As other families were going to theme parks and Disneyland, my family hiked Jockey's ridge and navigated through national parks and bird sanctuaries. 

She has taught me that less is more. I've learned that free things in life are always grand. I didn't know that we were camping in national parks because it was cheaper than theme parks. I only knew that waterfalls were beautiful and mountains were huge. I didn't realize that I was learning geography, geology and life skills that would take me much farther than Disneyland or Carowinds ever could.

She has a vast knowledge of everything. I'd even go as far to say that she's better than google! You can count on her for anything and everything.  Even today, graduated from college I find myself calling her up saying, "Hey mom, how do you do this or what should I season my salmon with?" She has provided me with all of the necessary tools and guidance to grow into a great man, and I hope I continue to do a good job making her proud. I hope to one day have all of the answers that she does.

Growing up in Charlotte my mom was active member of the Lion's Club. The Lion's Club is large, worldwide volunteer organization committed to helping the blind and visually impaired. My Granddad was blind his whole life and I think this may have been the reason, she was active in the club. The Lion's club helps the visually impaired but also helps with disaster relief and community events as well. I remember going with her to many volunteer efforts to help raise money for the organization. She sold countless brooms and mops. I attended many Red Cross coin drops during the holidays. She expected me to be around for elderly visits at the old folks home and after all this time, I'm glad that she pushed me to experience helping out the community growing up. It kept me out of trouble and pushed me to raise money for Fraternity events, cancer donations and Hurricane clean ups.

My sister, Danielle, is currently in the U.S. Navy stationed on the USS George Washington in Japan. I know it is hard for her to have her daughter so far away. With me graduated, and Danielle 10,000 miles away, Bernice has actively become a GA (Girls in Action) leader for Elm Grove Church. Girls in Action is a discipleship organization for girls ages 1-6. The GA's meet every Wednesday night for prayer and mission work. Oftentimes, the meet for events once a week. Every week, my mom takes time out of her life to minister the gospel to these girls and teach them life lessons that go beyond having faith in God. Many of the girls need a mother figure to look up to, my mom fits the role. She has opened her house up on countless occasions for get togethers. She has crafted for hours, and spent money out of pocket to keep the GA's a successful program. She works with my Aunt on many projects, and this furthers their relationship and her value on the importance of family. The GA's do many volunteer projects. The girls visit with the elderly, do disaster relief, send packages to the military and preach the gospel to the community. The girls are so lucky to have such hard working woman to look up to.

This past year, my mom has been especially blessed with the opportunity to volunteer with Elm Grove Church to clean up Oklahoma. The tornado damaged over 2,000 homes, leaving many with nothing. She traveled with a group of about twelve others and spent just under a week ministering to those less fortunate and helping to repair damaged houses. She camped out in a church room with fifty others. Did I say she was good with power tools? This woman could fix just about anything.

I cannot state how proud I am of her. For Oklahoma, but also for all that she does for others in her spare time. A woman so selfless, sometimes I wonder how she even remember to breathe. She bends over backwards for anyone and everyone. And while she continues to help others, I hope that others follow in her footsteps. If there is anything this world needs, its more Bernices's. This world needs more Christmas cards, and hugs to the elderly, and a genuine "How are you?" Whether it be the elderly, the military, those less fortunate, our youth or even a next door neighbor, I am proud to tell the world that Bernice serves.

This?

This?
Is nothing but a picture on a morning with nothing to do but be.

This?
Is the face of a young woman more interested in reading or writing than watching tv.

This?
Is the face of a young woman who could care less whether Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are on the rocks or if Britney Spears gained 10 pounds.

This girl?
Cares more about the Country music awards than any football game.

This?
Well she could talk for hours about traveling but couldn't read the map to get there. Good thing she wouldn't care.

This girl?
Finds the magic in anything. Give her a rock, and she'll tell you a story with meaning as to why the rock is sad.

These eyes?
Need glasses, yes, but can you find a more beautiful feature in the world? I dare you to try.

This?
Is what true beauty looks like. No make up. No bra. A t-shirt and sweats. Nobody around. Truly pleased with oneself as confidence glows.

This?
Is only a picture, yes, but inside, so many stories lie. Open with care and read with caution, for once you open the story, a character you become, as she writes you down in history.

This?
Is a glimpse into one's heart. What can you see? Fear of the unknown? Fear to love? Fear to not? Focus not on the flaws but on the ability to conquer.

This girl?
Has come a long way, but the journey has yet to begin.

This?
If a picture's worth a thousand words, where would you begin to unfold? Would you start with the dimple or the soft smile lines. The acne or the faded chapped lips. Maybe the hair and swirls that they entail.

This?
I swear you will only see once in your life. You best hope that once is enough because like a candle blown out, she'll be gone before the flicker fades.

**I smile for you. You know who you are. Three things. I'm still waiting.**

WRITE

It feels great to be back on land. Aside from that land being Japan, instead of NC...I'm still quite peachy. It's a Friday morning, and my coffee cup is bottomless while I sit here and write. I have all day to do as I please. Oh, the possibilities that await me.  Reading, movies, painting my toenails, a bubble bath, etc.

I celebrated Thanksgiving this year on the boat.Yeah, I know, of all the place I could have been its one of the last place I wanted to be, but life is what you make it. So I had thanksgiving lunch at a table with people I worked with. They are all wonderful people but I felt so alone. The food was awesome... for once. Of course, it wasn't my Grandma's turkey or mom's stuffing but it was more than what we usually have on the boat. I ate quickly and went back to work like it was any other day. It wasn't until Kirsten got up for dinner that it really felt like Thanksgiving to me. We had stale tacos with questionable meat on the mess decks, surrounded by noise, but its what I consider to be my thanksgiving dinner. For me, being thankful had nothing to do with the type of food i was eating but more about the family instilled in Kirsten that surrounded me.

This morning, I am thankful that my eyes opened and I was granted today. God allows it to happen for me. He keeps waking me up each morning because he sees purpose in me. I'm going to do my best in upholding the promises I've made to him.

While in Singapore, he spoke to me in the most curious way.

If you aren't religious, that's fine. If you don't go to church on Sundays that's fine too. I make my choices based on values and faith. Whether this was a conversation, an omen, fate or just a serendipitous adventure, believe what you want to believe. I sure do. In my opinion, God choose to spoke to me though words because that is what our relationship is based on. I have a hard time praying out loud, but if I write it down, I feel like my prayers make it to heaven faster.

 I was walking along Sentosa Island, the southernmost part of Asia while in Singapore. Sentosa Island is like a hidden resort. You could not find a more beautiful beach if you tried. Anyways, I crossed a walking foot bridge and placed a beautiful orange flower in my hair that matched my dress. I wore a long dress that day. I remember because I was constantly picking up the bottom half so it wouldn't drag the sand. After I crossed the footbridge, I walked through the sand. No one was around, and all of a sudden my eyes locked into the sand.

W R I T E.

There it was drawn out in the sand. WRITE. I was really exhausted and allowed myself to do a double take. There it was, in all caps, waiting for me.

I guess God has a sense of humor, writing that message to me. Maybe he thought if it was written down for me, it would make it to my head and heart faster. Hmmm, real funny God!

There is absolutely no way that that message was meant for anyone else's eyes. You know that sinking feeling in your heart when you can't say a word. I was utterly speechless, and my eyes began to water up with tears. I didn't cry but I realized how much I missed writing. When the ship is underway, I don't have the opportunity to write. I changed jobs at work, and the change had really taken a toll on my mind and body. Instead of working out, I stayed late some nights or just went straight to bed. I constantly felt drained. Writing has  always been my release, but I hadn't been writing at all. So all those days at work became a viscous cycle of me feeling stuck.

After seeing that message in the sand, I wrote that night. God wanted me to. He wrote it down didn't he. (Well he made sure it was written down for me). I wrote on my blog a little, and wrote in my journal. I began writing notes, and receiving cards from family and friends. I posted everything in my journal the remainder of cruise and soon realized how to regain my life and control my frustrations.

Thanks God! You really helped me out. Oftentimes, we pray for our families health and we pray to make it home safely. I try to remain thankful and ask God to take care of others and give me self control to be a godly women around people who get underneath my skin but we forget that a relationship with god doesn't have to be strict or formal. From that day on, I tried to constantly say, "Hey, God. I have this, this and this to do today. I'm really stressed out. I have a TL board. Be with me. Take my stress and do not allow me to worry." ...And its just that easy. He bears the burden for us, no matter how small.

And I wonder who's life was affected also as they wrote the message to me. What were they thinking? I hope that they also overcame their stress and frustrations and found the release they needed as they WROTE.

DG