What makes a Writer

I'm a writer. But to avidly say "I  am a writer, I must avidly write." Oftentimes I'll be writing in my journal and think, I wonder how Sylvia Plath would have written that. I wonder how she would've phrased that. How was her first heartbreak? I feel like my life is mundane. I'm not road tripping. I'm not living on the streets. I don't have a drug addiction. I'm not visually impaired. I am a Caucasian female just trying to make it.

I imagine Kerouac and Thompson, driving, writing about the parties and illegal drugs and the girls. And here I am like, "Well it's Friday, I've had three beers, I'd better go to sleep, now."

I mean, a writer is a writer,  right? But the reason why we love Kerouac so much is not only the way he writes but also his stories encompassing off the wall experiences. I try not to get bogged down. I try not to think about it. I try to just keep writing. Years from now all my writings in my journal could be an autobiography. But if all my journal says is, "Omg, its Monday. I hate my job. Well its Tuesday, only four more workdays till the weekend....etc" What kind of autobiography will it be? 

Plath and Kerouac wrote for themselves, and entertained others in the process. I, as a writer, don't have to entertain anyone. Is my journal even entertaining to me? As long as I fulfill the promises I have made to myself as a writer, all is right within the world. So if I publish a book. Awesome. If I don't, I still know the words got out. And it feels so much better setting them free than leaving them locked inside me.

When I think about all the poets and authors I love I imagine them as teenagers in their angst writing in journals very similar to mine. I mean look at Anne Frank. She was writing for her, instead, her words changed the world. She will live on in english classes for years to come.

My journal reads something like,

"It was so cold when I woke up this morning. Zach is still waiting to hear back from the detailer. I don't even care what it is. I just want us to be together in Virginia, or Florida, or an igloo, or a cave."

So maybe, I'll never be among Anne Frank. Hopefully not, because we don't need a repeat of WWII.  Maybe I'll never be a Sylvia Plath, because I'm not keen on putting my head in an oven. I'll not be a Bukowski or Kerouac because drugs are some serious shit. I yearn for the passion they have as writers. I want to be a passionate writer, and if not that, at least a passionate something.

I want to be so wrapped up in something that I love. I want a hobby that stays with me for years. My friend does pottery and its absolutely beautiful and gives her such happiness. I feel like I fall in love with something but then it kind of fades or I fail to complete my hobby goal.

 On Monday, I love yoga and I want to become an expert yogi. On Tuesday, I want to be an art journalist, but I don't have cool paper to write on. On Wednesday, I want to complete a half marathon. So I write a plan in my calendar dead set on completing it. On Saturday I've already missed two work outs. Its like I can't commit to any activity for longer than a couple days. Its the same for writing. I'm desperately passionate about being passionate but simply cannot commit. Maybe I haven't found the right hobby yet.

Regardless, I'll continue to write, both publicly and not. I'll continue to travel. I'll continue to try things and fail because life is short and if something isn't fun, isn't it kind of a waste of time? 

Bald for Cancer

What do you want to accomplish before you die? Everyone has a bucket list, right? It may not be written down in cursive handwriting or typed into a blog but everyone has a certain criteria they would like to meet before they die. Everyone has goals or adventures planned but do you go through with them?

Bucket lists are lists for oneself to accomplish before dying. A bucket list is bragging rights to friends and family, a sense accomplishment or perhaps, an activity that grants peace. I have so many things I would like to accomplish. Some travel, some daring, some simply a check in the box but the one on my mind tonight isn't for me, its for all of those unable to live out all of their goals before they die. Have you ever thought of that? The people who simply cannot complete their bucket lists? Be it, a lack of time, or developmental issues, some people aren't granted the same opportunities as others. What can we do to make up for all of those dreams left unsaid, or perhaps, undone?

Now, I am no expert on the subject of death, dying, or terminal illness but this much I know is true...I want to help. I've watched one too many movies on Saint Jude hospitals. And I've known one too many people with cancer. I praise all of the nurses, doctors and staff that work in a cancer ward for, both young and old, but especially young. What heroes we have working everyday right under our eyes. Yet we celebrate football stars and celebrities? But what can I do to inspire? Because in the end, that's all I can do. I cannot diagnose. I can't give more time. I'll never find the cure for cancer, but I know the cure to heartache. It lies in smiles, hugs, appreciation and a little extra time given of yourself. What can you give?

Go bald for cancer.

That is on my bucket list. I would like to run a St. Baldricks Event and involve both military and churches across North Carolina. Because kids with cancer often lose their hair....we can show support by shaving ours voluntarily. My hopes are that friends and family will want to be involved by shaving their heads and/or donating to support childhood cancer research. Think of the impact we could make.

Now, as a woman, this is a huge commitment. How many of us absolutely love their hair? I know I do! But how many of those little girls with cancer loved their hair too? It's true, you may say, "Danielle, their hair isn't going to grow back by us shaving ours?" True, but we can send the message that "bald is beautiful" and "you are not alone" Kids with cancer should know this. They have enough on their plate than to worry about their hair.  

Hair grows back. I want to do this. I want to do it for me but also for all of those I've lost to cancer. 

I don't know when I will be able to set up this event but I will shave my head for cancer and fight to raise money for a cure. It doesn't matter what kind of cancer it is. It matters that we make a difference, change to world and complete some bucket lists. 

Be om the look out for more info to come and if you have any questions, check this website out. http://www.stbaldricks.org 

Danielle

Love Letters

I watched a video the other day of a man and woman who had shared over 10,000 love letters with each other in their lifetime. They had just recently celebrated 40 years of marriage. As they started dating, the man would get on the train to go to work and jot down a few words on a napkin to the girl. As the dating progressed, his letters got longer. She said, after they got married, he greeted her with a card or letter everyday. Sometimes it was a few sentences and other days it was longer.

I am a huge fan of this. Zach and I may very well be the modern day version of this. We fell in love on an aircraft carrier. We fell in love passing notes on crumbled sheets of paper that later turned into a leather bound journal. We saved them all- some short, some long. Some ranting about our days, others sweet and endearing. Many have notes from meetings on the back, or bomb configurations. I once received a note from Zach on the back of a load plan. (A list of what bombs we were building up for the night)

As he is still in Japan. he is still receiving letters and cards from me. Maybe not everyday, but a couple a week. I've always loved writing. That has been a constant throughout my life. Lately I have been trying to figure out why I haven't written in my journal as often within the last few years. It's all adding up now as all of these love letters are laid out before me. I have been busy writing, just not in my own journal! That leather bound journal has been all over the ship, not to mention, all over the world. With me being in VA and him still in Japan, I've been busy decorating envelopes, buying stamps, and writing to Zach. He says that he looks forward to seeing all the different designs on the envelopes and that everyone knows when he gets mail. Its not like any other letters sent. He has turned into my journal. A place where I leave my thoughts, frustrations and fears. My excitement and questions. And in him I find answers. He isn't as loyal on writing me back but that is okay. Writing him is all that I need. The happiness he has when opening an envelope decorated with whales on the front is my happiness. I write not to receive but to give. And I think I always will.

As it is Valentine's day and we live in a digital world, I am sure I will see posts and posts of what everyone is receiving from their significant others, but I am not going to do that. I don't need to put up a picture of flowers to feel special. We should be thankful of who we have in our lives not for the candy and flowers on Valentines day but on all days. The gift is them. Their love is the gift- the  candy and flowers is just a bonus. For all of those whose significant others have passed on, I am deeply sorry. And I know that today will be hard without them.

My gift to myself this Valentine's day  is re living our moments through old love letters passed. I have them all sprawled across the floor and it is bringing back so much! Sometimes receiving a note from Zach was the only excitement I had that day when we were underway. These words mean, and will always mean, more to me than flowers ever will.

Zach's italicized. I'm not. Our only downfall was we didn't date the letters.


Good morning sunshine!
So tonight in the sea bag locker...that was really tough for me to actually say...I've never told anyone about some of the things I told you. It scares the living shit out of me that someone knows my fears, my  issues and insecurities but I'm glad it's you. Super glad. You are changing my heart for the better. OK, enough about that, what was your favorite part about Singapore? Cooking with you was a highlight. It was perfect. Massive amount of points awarded to you...haha. I gotta go. You are extremely distracting, but that's okay. I love that, even though a distracted mind at work here might kill someone...Oh lord haha! Have an amazing day Dani. 
~That one sweet guy that loves you a lot

Hey,
So why does it feel like I haven't seen your cute face for days? Oh yeah, cause I haven't! I guess that just gives me more time to think about you. You've been running through my head a lot lately. I hope you don't fall into another rose bush. Well, maybe I do. Can it be a "greene" one? :) I just re read you note. I really liked the sea bag locker too.  I'm glad you had a chance to express yourself. It's interesting hearing about you growing up and the feelings you have behind it. I like the way our conversations just roll back and forth but I like how we can just be quiet and think too. Singapore!!!!! Favorite part probably, when we were having that really intense conversation...................No more complications. No more distractions. He wants me. It all makes sense now.  :)


Baby, 
I just watched "Seeking A Friend For the End of the World" All I could think about was you and how my hand was lonely. This is our world. We got this. Seriously I just hopped out of the shower and cracked this book open. I swear, its an extension of our hearts. I was in the shower thinking about how happy I am. It literally just dawned on me. So what if my current job is not even a job, its a lifestyle? One I'm not planning on doing forever. For now, it'll do. So what if I can't hold your hand or kiss that perfect head. This navy thing is temporary. You and I are permanent. I truly value every moment of life I have with you. Even if its just a simple foot touch on the mess decks. You're pretty much my light at the end of the tunnel. I don't even know what I am saying. Does it even make sense? There isn't really a plan. Who plans life? Want to know my plan? Stay in love with you until the last breath leaves my body. We'll take on the world together and wherever we go or whatever happens it will always be OK because the second you walked into my life... I knew. 
I love you. Zachary.

The little things will add up to the big things. These are my promises to you. Hold me to them.

I promise to make every effort I can into being the best girlfriend ever for you.

I promise to help you fold your clothes when you need me to because I know you hate that.

I promise to tell you when you have something stuck in your teeth.

I promise to push you past your potential.

I promise to guide you if you're ever feeling lost in life.

I'll correct your grammar if you need me too.

And organize the kitchen cabinets when required.

I'll clean the floors but not the showers.

I'll make the coffee and be your personal temperature tester.

I promise to love you with a stye in your eye in a full time winking position.

I promise to love you forever...or until you get a cat. Just kidding....But really no.

Tell me your promises too!!!

Hey Baby,
These are my promises to you....
Always and forever pick you up when you are down.

Always be honest with you no matter what.

Baby, I'll always love you forever, no matter if you get sick, in a coma or any other bad shit. You're the love of my life.

I promise to you that we will have a very nice lawn. I'm extremely good at cutting grass in fancy patterns ,etc.

I promise I'll clean the tub out, ugh!!!

I promise I'll always have a shirt for you to wear, and one to clean your glasses on.

I promise that when you get old and can't do those little annoying necklace clasps....I got you.

There will always be ice cream in the freezer  and I promise I'll make you cupcakes when you list expect it. Oh and wine. When we retire; lets get a wine cellar

Old people always have the weirdest coolest collections- Can we do that?

I promise I'll always carry the heavier load so you don't have to. Anything to make your life easier.

I promise I'll NEVER get a cat. What if one of our kids really wants a cat? I mean, what if they get a cat loving gene... from somewhere and really really want a cat. What would we do?!? 
OK I'm out. I love you. Zachary.

***********************************************************************

I hope to one day organize them all ad try to get them in chronological order. Neither of us threw any away. I've got frayed napkins, coasters, cards and teared pages. It's okay that they are out of order and all over the place right now, because no matter which one I read, I can relive the exact moment over and over again. I just deleted a bunch of stuff off Facebook because i feel that it is showy and cocky. I want to live in the time my grandparents grew up. I'm an old soul and all this digital stuff just pisses me off.

I feel so blessed in this life. Johnny and June have got nothing on me and Zach. We aren't following in any one's footsteps, we've constructed our own path. Here's to many walks on it!

Danielle.

Rant. Lists. Blah day.

I'm getting old. Like 26, really? My car insurance is cheaper. I'm getting married. I'm paying bills. Where did the time go? It was just yesterday that I was throwing things at my brother's head, learning how to drive, how to kiss and how to survive off of $40.00 a week in college. Just in case you're wondering, the breakdown of$40.00 is as follows: $15.00 on a case of beer, $5.00 on laundry, $7.00 on El PAC Mexican cantina (free chips and salsa + a TEXAS margarita) and the remainder for taco bell and gas to carry me into the next week. God wasn't life good then?

Anyways, I hope with age I become wiser. I'm in a bit of a quarter life crisis. I'm 26 and getting out of the navy next year. I want to teach but I feel like I have all these hoops to jump through to do that. Like, why couldn't I have just known what I wanted to do while I was in college. Well, the navy can pay for me to go back to school now. I've had it with student loans. And Zach's orders? Trying to match everything. Ugh. I don't even have appropriate words for how I feel about that situation right now.

I am always second guessing myself at work. I lack confidence when I should be perfectly confident. I get weird in large groups. Like super awkward! I over think the things that I say or the jokes that I tell. I suck at making friends, and yet, I am a social butterfly. I don't keep in touch through Facebook. I hate Facebook. I would delete it if Zach wasn't still in Japan.

This is a just a brainstorm of things. When I am feeling down or inadequate, I just need to NOT do that. I am awesome, and here's why. And here's how I should keep being awesome. And here's how you should too.  BLAHH........ happy Friday!!!

1.) At 2 years old, you didn't know what you wanted to do. At 10 years old, you thought you did. At 21, you had an idea. (turns out you were wrong)! And now, it all changed. At 45, it'll change again. The point is: You'll never have the answers, no matter how old you are. No one does, they just act like it. You were taught how to be good, just keep being kind and you'll be fine.

2.) Quit worrying about where everyone else is in their lives. So they're married? So they have kids? Have they seen Australia? No. There's a reason, you are where you are. You are engaged to the love of your life. So wedding planning may be delayed due to deployments. It's okay. You are blessed beyond belief with that one. Just hold on tight and it will all be alright.

3.) I don't know where you've put your patience, but you've lost it. Go find it...like right now. No one wants to hear you run your mouth complaining, so just stop. Stop with the whining, and wait in line. Stop, because you whining isn't going to make the room any cooler. Just stop, chill out and keep your mouth shut. This one will carry you far in life.

4.) Keep reading. In a world of ignorant individuals, just keep reading. there's a time for fashion magazines, and a time for old books, a time for kindles and a time for blogs, just make time for all of your writings. Whether it be typed blogs or napkins, or dog eared pages in a journal, or letters to family and friends, never stop reading or writing all of these things. Years from now, all those words will be worth more than gold to you.

5.) If you don't know the answer to something, listen to country music. Even if it doesn't answer your question, I guarantee, you'll feel better after 'takin' a back road,' or 'walking down the streets of Bakersfield.' There will always be a cheer or a toast to the nights you don't remember and there will always be time for '5 o clock somewhere.'

6.)  You have so many people behind you. Be there for them too. Whether its a cup of coffee in the morning or a hug, make time for everyone that makes time for you. Your friends are the key to many doors that will be opened for you. Remember to always be appreciative of this, and unlock doors for others as well. It's the way for the circle to continue on.

7.) Your, you're, their, they're...for the love of God don't fuck this rule away.

8.) Stop letting others determine how you feel about yourself. Are they living and walking in your shoes everyday? No. I don't care if its family, friends or complete strangers, if they don't like something that you absolutely love, just let it go. You belong in this world to love what you love, not love what is popular.

9.) Have confidence. For some unknown reason, I let others make me feel inadequate at times. Why? That is definitely not the case. Everyone is special. Everyone is unique, and if you think you are the smartest person to ever walk in the room, you might as well just leave the room. Others will always know something more than you, just as you will know more than someone else. If we can't learn from one another what's the point?

10.) Know when to give up and just have a glass of wine.... or two.....or the bottle! It could be 10am, or it could be 2am, but there is no better a time to have a glass of wine than when you think you should.

11.) You're cool because you're yourself. You're desperate when you try to act like someone else.

12.) For the love of god, don't ask if its appropriate to double dip. Honestly if you're sharing chips with someone who cares about that kind of stuff, you should just eat their chips until they feel left out and leave. Double dipping!! For real.... and I want ketchup on each bite of fry. Judge me if you want but I don't give a shit.

13.) When you go to a fancy restaurant and order a bottle of wine, the waiter will proceed to fill your cup up halfway. I know, I know…it makes zero sense… When I order a whole bottle of wine, I intend to drink the whole bottle of wine. Just wait until the waiter leaves and fill that cup up sister!!

14.) In the reality of today when rap is popular, yet you can't understand why…just nod your head and turn on old beach classics…if that's what you want.

15.) Understand that the SAT is on a 2400 scale now. Everyone you work with is younger than you, and sometimes (all times) you will feel way to mature to even join the conversation. That's okay. It doesn't mean you are better than them, it just means you need to allow them to make their own mistakes rather than send criticism their way.

16.) You don't have to like the people you work with. You just have to complete the day.

17.) You don't need more friends. If you want to sit on your couch this weekend and netflix, you shouldn't have to feel guilty about it. You don't need to explain yourself. You are blessed with the friends that you have and they are wonderful. So what if you don't keep in touch with whoever, its your choice. And if you don't have seven freaking bridesmaids at your wedding, you know what that means...a cheaper fucking wedding.

18.) And curse less. You sound like a fucking sailor. Oh wait....

Love Danielle.

Keep Reading

Keep reading. In a world of ignorant individuals, just keep reading. I don't care if its a fashion magazine or a sports review. I commend you for picking up a classic and challenge you to something with substance. I won't judge you on a trashy romance novel, or Twilight, and the likes. Just keep reading. Push aside the video games. Refrain from Facebook, twitter, and instagram. Pull yourself away from Netflix. I know it will be hard. I struggle too, but find satisfaction in the simplicity of words inked into pages (or your kindle. You pick the poison).

As, Dr Suess said, "Oh the places you will go..." Well nowhere...you are going nowhere, if you don't read. It saddens me to think of people who hate reading. That statement seriously pains me. I find ignorance in people who make that remark. I want to push and question them. Why? What have you ever tried reading? High school required reading? Can you put a chair together without reading instructions first? I mean, that statement..."I hate reading!" is almost preposterous. But perhaps I am insane. I read everything. And I read it with intense curiosity. I always have, even has a child.

I often wonder how kids grow into the personalities they have as adults. Sure, your upbringing and parents effect you. Both my dad and mom have always loved to read. Many days my mom would read on the couch. And you wouldn't see her bedside table with a tattered copy of something. My dad has been a big fan of biographies. He'd pick up the biography of a music artist or historical figure he was interested in at the time. But there has to be more outside of your parents that affects your personality. What makes kids more into sports/ more intellectual? I know that some parents force hobbies onto their children but, thankfully, nothing was forced on me. I always read. I wasn't forced to. I enjoyed required readings, even over the summers. I drove myself to the library once I was old enough. I found satisfaction in completing large volumes. I remember finishing Anna Karrenina around 13. I understood very little about it, but I completed it.

I would go yard sale to yard sale picking up old copies of books I saw in libraries. I built my shelves into an adventure I planned to complete before I died. Sometimes I would even end up with two copies, forgetting what I had. I can't even remember what I read when I was younger. The Phantom Tollbooth, Agatha Christie, even Babysitter's Club were among a few. I know as I grew older, I pushed my limits on what would be acceptable for a young adult to read. There was no censorship on my reading. And if it didn't make sense, at the ending page, I would turn the book around and begin again. I have read and re-read many classics such as, Jane Eyre, Into the Wild,  and my all time favorite, The Catcher and the Rye.

 I truly believe that my love of reading has transformed me into the individual I am today. I am a social butterfly. I love people. Some days I find loneliness in a quiet apartment and pick up a book, or magazine to console me. In those books, within those characters I find friends, and also enemies.

In Stephen King I find harsh realities in bone chilling tales. I oftentimes, hitch a train and smoke illegal drugs with Kerouac, Ginsberg and Thomson. Its always a party. We find the best live music, and take advantage of people's kindness. I read true accounts of the Appalachian trial and escape into the wild with Jennifer Pharr Davis. I read dark stories about the holocaust and fall in love in stories set abroad. I go to France and Ireland. I visit Germany and Japan. I am capable and I am fearless. Whoever I am not in the real world, I can be in books. The confidence I lack in the real world is, then, granted into my readings and writings.

Sometimes I turn to the internet. I am no saint and will tell you, I spend far too much time on Facebook. I am often directed to blogs and articles written by people like me. We don't know each other, but I guarantee if we met, we would hit it off like old friends. Perhaps they are typing with a cup of coffee beside of them, in the silence of their apartments expressing their opinions to people they don't know. sThey have high hope for page views, comments and/or someone to publish them. they yearn to complete a book, or perhaps they already have. Regardless, they sit on the edge of their chair waiting for the next topic to come to mind. As it may be, they use writing as an excuse to experience life. Yes, live music. Yes, lets travel. Yes, lets have a beer. I am that reader...as well as that writer. I hope to always be.

My love of reading has shaped the way I talk, as well as, the way I write. I write just like I talk...straight to the point. I will not write a sentence that doesn't sound like me. I don't smother my sentences in big words. If I wouldn't say them, I won't type them either. With that being said, my grammar is so so. Why write something that doesn't sound real. Most people don't talk in complete sentences. We use run ons and fragments. I believe reading builds stronger vocabularies. I am always searching for new words and adjectives to describe shitty situations, lovely foods and feelings in my life. I challenge my fiancé with words and sometimes lose. It's okay though, because with each new word comes a sense of accomplishment. I keep a running list of words I would like to use on my phone. And if you want to call me a nerd, go ahead. I am one.

My life would not be the same without the typed blogs, notes scribbled on napkins saved for decades, dog eared pages, or weathered journals with letters from friends and family. I will never stop reading or writing all of these things. Years from now, all those words will be worth more than gold to me, imaginably maybe, to you too.

Best Marriage Ever

So, I am not married yet, but Zach and I are working on it. And by working on it, I don't mean showing off my ring and planning our wedding. (Ok so that's kind of a fib, I'm on pinterest ALOT and I do love my ring, but we really haven't made any plans yet.) With him being in Japan and me stateside, the most we know is the season that we are hoping for.

People say engagements are for wedding planning but our engagement hasn't included plans yet.
I am trying to plan our marriage, rather than our wedding. And I know, I know that this sounds crazy. Zach tells me all the time that I am a worry wort and I just need to let life take the reins, but hey, I may be right in this case. Think about it...how many women plan their dream wedding down to the tiny little table toppers and three years later find themselves in a marriage rut?

Maybe Zach and I don't care about table toppers, and flowers just aren't a high priority but, communication is at the top of our list. I believe we have been doing an outstanding job at staying in touch. I am putting my full efforts into Zachary because I love him so much and vice versa. So really, nothing has changed, since me leaving Japan, except its now in writing. I love how putting the words down always makes anything more official. An adventure written down has more purpose. A love story captivated in words can live on for years.  I am not doing anything different other than establishing my priorities on my fiancé.

The purpose of an engagement is to prepare for a lifelong commitment, not to plan a wedding. And understand that, I am no expert. I have never been engaged before and never planned a wedding so perhaps taking tips from me would be silly. But here is my story. (And wedding planning is stressful anyways...)

Zach is in Japan still and I am in Virginia Beach. He should stationed in Virginia by June or July. That gives us, 5 to 6 months of separation by a rather large ocean. We have plenty of time to Skype, email, and Facebook, but it is not the same as an engaged couple minutes from each other. Who wants a story like everyone else, right?

Looking at it from an outside view, it sucks. And looking at it from the inside it sucks, too. I am thankful of the time we do have. We probably talk to each other at least once or twice a day. At 330a, we FaceTime. The first thing I do when I wake up is open Facebook and look for the little green "online" light. That light is a beacon to my happiness. When it shines brightly. I know Zachary is waiting for me to wake up. The anticipation nearly gets me out of bed every morning. In the messages I am left with clear instructions: "Good morning babe. I love you but go make coffee first and then shower. FaceTime when you're ready. You're scary before coffee"  And here I am alone in the apartment smiling, at 330a. After a shower and a little coffee, I hear the FaceTime noise. And just like that...we're having a meal together. At 4a, I have breakfast and dinner time in Japan he has dinner. And so it goes, our daily love story.

I leave him with happy thoughts, laughs and ridiculous jokes before he sleeps. And he leaves me with confidence and a sense of self as I leave for work. We don't get up and use Facebook for any other reason. I don't watch the news, or tv. We physically talk to one another in the morning and I hope throughout our marriage that it never stops.

Zachary is also greeted with many letters in the mail. I send him cute holiday cards, postcards and even random notes in the mail. I remember what it was like not to receive any mail in Japan. I don't want that to happen to Zach. I spend my Sundays with a glass of wine decorating the fronts of envelopes and purchasing a ridiculous amount of stamps. (The sticky ones... not the ones you have to lick. I hate that shit.) He isn't so well at writing back but I don't expect him too. That's not why I do it. I literally have genuine joy out of writing to him and dropping snail mail. I don't want to ever stop writing love notes. I hope that stays a vital part of our marriage. (Without the stamps, of course!)

We don't cancel plans with friends for each other. Zachary spent New Years in Tokyo, while my cousins came up to Virginia Beach. I don't want you to think that we sit and pine by the computer until the other is home. Its not like that. We fill each other in on the details, so the other knows and then we compromise on a time that is truly never convenient, but staying up until 3a for the one you love is not a sacrifice. Its worth it, even if its only for a few minutes. It almost seems as though my awesome times with family and friends here without him aren't really grand until they are shared with him. I love racking up on funny things all day to tell Zachary about on Skype. It's always fun hearing his stories too because I know all the people in Japan still. He talks about me in the magazine and how much he is looking forward to moving into the apartment. I miss my japan people a lot.

I have searched "What time is it in Japan" so often that now google only requires me to type "wh" and it brings up Japan's time. Thanks google. I feel like a stalker.

The lack of physical interaction we have seems to be building our relationship stronger. I've never been more appreciative of Zach in my life. I don't think I've ever talked about him so much either. It's interesting meeting the love of your life in Japan while you are away from your family. Our love story sometimes feels surreal to me. I wasn't a different person in Japan, but I was granted so many opportunities. Together we traveled the world by foot, train. So many walks and talks we had. Zach has made me a  better leader. My family doesn't see the harsh realities that go along with the navy. I know they would be proud seeing me in a leadership position, but I wouldn't be where I am today without Zach.

Being back stateside is kind of surreal. Everyone has their heads in their phones. Text messages are cold and dinners lack chatter. I am thankful for technology and what it has given Zach and I but I have reevaluated how I use social media because of what I have seen in the last two months.

While we traipsed around Japan, never did I pull my phone out at dinner. We didn't play video games. Our priorities on wifi were to skype our families. We missed traditions. We missed family gatherings. I guess I am not only more appreciative of Zach but more appreciate of my family as well. Shame on those who choose not to celebrate Christmas with their families this year. Many of my friends in Japan, we're not granted even the option to be home.

So yes, instead of building a wedding, we're building a marriage. I am focused on that. Appreciating moments every day, until he is home. And when he is home, our moments will officially begin (without the use of technology). What a lovely thought.