I gotta pee!

Have you ever thought about the pace of your walk? Friends tell me that I walk really fast. Never have I moved so quick as I did today.

When buds candidates get into their 3rd week of training they do night swims. Their instructors tell them to swim with a purpose or the sharks will eat them alive. A recent study showed that their swim times during the night were faster than during the day due to shark anxiety. Now no one really knows what goes on during buds training, other than buds, but that's what discovery channel reported. 

Anyways, these buds candidates had nothing on me today. I had to go the bathroom so bad! And I mean really bad! I have a problem with drinking coffee. Its a love hate relationship because it sure goes right through you. I ate at the galley with some friends tonight and sure enough, drank three cups of coffee. Don't ask me why I didn't use the head at the galley before I left but as soon as I started walking it hit me!

After drinking 16 Dr. Peppers, Forrest Gump once told the president, "I gotta pee." I bet he sped to the bathroom through the white house. I too, must have made it from the galley to the spectrum in five minute tonight. It normally takes me fifteen, haha.

Now hopefully this post doesn't offend anyone but, true story, everyone poops! Have you ever sat on the toilet and thought about what other famous people are sitting on the toilet taking a dump at the exact same time as you. I have. I bet in my lifetime, I've shared many bathroom breaks with celebrities such as, Jennifer Aniston, Richard Gere, probably even, Mila Kunis.

I don't understand why guys get so offended when they think about women pooping. It happens, you know..shit. No matter how pretty the girl is, we all do it.

While I'm on the topic of bathroom breaks, I must tell you guys about my first experience with Japanese toilets. They are not like toilets in the states. These toilets are Toto brand, which my mom could tell you all about. Anyways, the toilets contain many buttons with Japanese katakana lettering on each button. The Japanese katakana doesn't help me any.

There are buttons to make the toilet seat go up and down, flush, and even spray your butt. Going to the bathroom in Japan is quite an experience. When you sit down a nice warm feeling overwhelms you. In the wintertime, there's nothing better than heated toilet seats. So as you sit down, you do your business, wipe etc. Then the button play comes in. Do not press any buttons, until you know what they do. This I learned early on. Sadly, if you're in Japan, they only way to learn the buttons is  to test them out.

It took me a couple weeks to muster up the courage to actually use these infamous buttons on Japanese toilets. One day I was at the mall with some friends and the urge hit me to take a stab at some of these buttons. The first button I pressed "simulated" the flushing sound. I guess if you get nervous when other people are in the bathroom about making noises you can press this button so they can't hear your farting/pooping noises. Well, this button  was harmless so I ventured on to press the next button.

The next button kinda took me by surprise. Like legitly. (If that's even a word.) If there's one thing I have learned about buttons on toilets in Japan...if there's one piece of advice I could give you guys, it would be to know where the stop button is BEFORE you press start.

So I pressed this infamous button and waited. All of a sudden water began shooting up at my butt. And the giggles began. My face turned red. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breath! You know when you laugh so hard you can't even talk. All you can do is flail your arms like an idiot? Check, that was me. I was thinking to myself, ok it can't spray my butt forever. It'll probably stop in a second or so. I shift to the right and to the left in search of a button, any button I could press to change the setting. As I move on the seat, water sprays everywhere through my legs. Shit! What do I do? I fumble with the buttons. There's like three buttons that don't do anything. I "simulate" flushing  like three times, but to no avail, the spraying continues. I find the off button finally. I get up legs sprayed with water. Catch my breath. Wash my hands and exit.

And you know what, I left that Japanese bathroom with pride. I had to have had the cleanest ass in all of Japan that day. When I got outside my friends were waiting and noticed that my face was red. Agee, just looked at me and all I could say was, "I pressed the buttons." We all laughed. So the moral of the story my friends, know where stop is BEFORE you press go.

DG