People say engagements are for wedding planning but our engagement hasn't included plans yet.
I am trying to plan our marriage, rather than our wedding. And I know, I know that this sounds crazy. Zach tells me all the time that I am a worry wort and I just need to let life take the reins, but hey, I may be right in this case. Think about it...how many women plan their dream wedding down to the tiny little table toppers and three years later find themselves in a marriage rut?
The purpose of an engagement is to prepare for a lifelong commitment, not to plan a wedding. And understand that, I am no expert. I have never been engaged before and never planned a wedding so perhaps taking tips from me would be silly. But here is my story. (And wedding planning is stressful anyways...)
Zach is in Japan still and I am in Virginia Beach. He should stationed in Virginia by June or July. That gives us, 5 to 6 months of separation by a rather large ocean. We have plenty of time to Skype, email, and Facebook, but it is not the same as an engaged couple minutes from each other. Who wants a story like everyone else, right?
Looking at it from an outside view, it sucks. And looking at it from the inside it sucks, too. I am thankful of the time we do have. We probably talk to each other at least once or twice a day. At 330a, we FaceTime. The first thing I do when I wake up is open Facebook and look for the little green "online" light. That light is a beacon to my happiness. When it shines brightly. I know Zachary is waiting for me to wake up. The anticipation nearly gets me out of bed every morning. In the messages I am left with clear instructions: "Good morning babe. I love you but go make coffee first and then shower. FaceTime when you're ready. You're scary before coffee" And here I am alone in the apartment smiling, at 330a. After a shower and a little coffee, I hear the FaceTime noise. And just like that...we're having a meal together. At 4a, I have breakfast and dinner time in Japan he has dinner. And so it goes, our daily love story.
I leave him with happy thoughts, laughs and ridiculous jokes before he sleeps. And he leaves me with confidence and a sense of self as I leave for work. We don't get up and use Facebook for any other reason. I don't watch the news, or tv. We physically talk to one another in the morning and I hope throughout our marriage that it never stops.
Zachary is also greeted with many letters in the mail. I send him cute holiday cards, postcards and even random notes in the mail. I remember what it was like not to receive any mail in Japan. I don't want that to happen to Zach. I spend my Sundays with a glass of wine decorating the fronts of envelopes and purchasing a ridiculous amount of stamps. (The sticky ones... not the ones you have to lick. I hate that shit.) He isn't so well at writing back but I don't expect him too. That's not why I do it. I literally have genuine joy out of writing to him and dropping snail mail. I don't want to ever stop writing love notes. I hope that stays a vital part of our marriage. (Without the stamps, of course!)
We don't cancel plans with friends for each other. Zachary spent New Years in Tokyo, while my cousins came up to Virginia Beach. I don't want you to think that we sit and pine by the computer until the other is home. Its not like that. We fill each other in on the details, so the other knows and then we compromise on a time that is truly never convenient, but staying up until 3a for the one you love is not a sacrifice. Its worth it, even if its only for a few minutes. It almost seems as though my awesome times with family and friends here without him aren't really grand until they are shared with him. I love racking up on funny things all day to tell Zachary about on Skype. It's always fun hearing his stories too because I know all the people in Japan still. He talks about me in the magazine and how much he is looking forward to moving into the apartment. I miss my japan people a lot.
I have searched "What time is it in Japan" so often that now google only requires me to type "wh" and it brings up Japan's time. Thanks google. I feel like a stalker.
The lack of physical interaction we have seems to be building our relationship stronger. I've never been more appreciative of Zach in my life. I don't think I've ever talked about him so much either. It's interesting meeting the love of your life in Japan while you are away from your family. Our love story sometimes feels surreal to me. I wasn't a different person in Japan, but I was granted so many opportunities. Together we traveled the world by foot, train. So many walks and talks we had. Zach has made me a better leader. My family doesn't see the harsh realities that go along with the navy. I know they would be proud seeing me in a leadership position, but I wouldn't be where I am today without Zach.
Being back stateside is kind of surreal. Everyone has their heads in their phones. Text messages are cold and dinners lack chatter. I am thankful for technology and what it has given Zach and I but I have reevaluated how I use social media because of what I have seen in the last two months.
While we traipsed around Japan, never did I pull my phone out at dinner. We didn't play video games. Our priorities on wifi were to skype our families. We missed traditions. We missed family gatherings. I guess I am not only more appreciative of Zach but more appreciate of my family as well. Shame on those who choose not to celebrate Christmas with their families this year. Many of my friends in Japan, we're not granted even the option to be home.
So yes, instead of building a wedding, we're building a marriage. I am focused on that. Appreciating moments every day, until he is home. And when he is home, our moments will officially begin (without the use of technology). What a lovely thought.
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