Six Random Things You Probably Didn't Know

I feel like I've lost myself. I don't even know how it happened. Thus far in my life I've felt so confident in the decisions made and the paths I've traveled. I was always the girl who knew who she was. I was always the one who never needed a man, or anyone for that fact, in her life. I was the one, content to spend the afternoon with coffee and a book. And yet, recently I spend the afternoons with coffee and a book, but I can't remember anything that I read. I can’t remember thoughts, and everything seems hazy. Have you ever lost yourself for hours at a time. Last Sunday, I was a Tulley's and I swear someone was pushing the arms on the clock. Forty five minutes went by, and I couldn't remember. I couldn't remember what I read, what I was thinking or anything. The only clue that life continued on without me was the level of the coffee in my cup.
I've been feeling weird lately. I guess, I am like, the moon, half of me hidden and, once again, I find myself terrified to fully expose myself to anyone in this world. Even when the moon shines, on certain nights, you know that only a sliver glows in the night sky. Some days I feel like the crescent moon- only a portion of myself exposed. How does the moon regain its confidence to shine brightly as a full moon does? Maybe life, in general, is like a lunar cycle.

So I’m not trying to make this blog a depressing one. I’m really not, because I’m happy, in a sense that one should be happy. I am beyond blessed with wonderful friends, loving family members and my belly is full of food each day. I’m not here to complain, maybe I just overanalyze things. I think when I spend time alone; my mind processes everything to the point of being OCD. I’m a bit ridiculous at times, becoming so lost inside of myself, I cannot even focus on the world around me. People will see me around base and wave and say hello, and I barely even notice them. It’s good to be on your own. Ear plugs in, ipod in hand, I like the world better like that.

Six things
 Do you want to know them? Six things about me you don’t already know. If you do know these already, then you must be important and dear to my heart. Whatever, read if you want.

Thing 1: I wanted to be a professional snow skier when I was little. Snow skiing is a sport I learned from my dad. On skis, he might as well have been superman, because even superman couldn’t have skied as great as my dad. So yeah, professional snow skier. Sadly, I grew up in NC, and there just isn’t enough snow to practice on the reg.

2: My favorite physical feature on myself is my hair. I am absolutely in love with my curls. I rarely straighten it, because I feel I am blessed with what other girls don’t have. No matter the color, whether it’s up or down, I love it. I love wearing it in a messy bun on top of my head. I feel, like it makes me look like a real free spirit. I didn’t know that I had beautiful eyes until I joined the navy. Growing up, I guess, I just thought blue eyes were blue. I didn’t realize how great they were until now. If only they worked better. I still feel blind without glasses and since I lost my glasses, I’m just blind when looking at things far away.


3. Think about the act of cutting a plain sheet of white paper into a snowflake. I think people are like snowflakes, and the people you are hurt by are the snippets of paper that aren't necessary to be carried into your future. The pieces that you keep cutting to make the snowflake look beautiful are the snippets of people you don’t need in your life at that point in time. You can’t see it, but after the snippets fall to the floor, you're left beautiful, except you can't see it, because YOU are the snowflake. And the pieces that remained on the floor were necessary to your life, because without them how would you fold the paper to make the snowflake in the first place? Make sense? Just an idea I’ve been thinking about lately. Can the snippets come back? Maybe. I have faith that they can, but where do they fit into your already beautiful made snowflake?

4. Tattoos have been on the top of my list these days. Will they make sense when I’m older? There seems to be a lot of criticism about getting older with tattoos, but honestly, who’s around to guarantee that you’ll make it to your elder years anyways? I could die tomorrow. I might as well decorate my body while I’m young. And when I get old, well I guess I’ll either be old with a tattoo on my leg or be old without one. Who the fuck really cares?

5. When I have a book with me, I’m happy. I could be anywhere. I’m on duty today and my kindle is in my pocket. Books are like chap stick, I can’t go anywhere without it. I just recently finished a book by John Green. I’m a big fan of him as an author. I think it was called, Paper Towns or The Fault in Our Stars. I connect with this one character’s dialogue in the book so well, that when the character died, I just didn’t think I would make it through the day. It was as if I had died as well. I love that feeling after finishing a book, where you just sit there and revel in the brilliance of it. You can’t even move. It’s like you are stuck in a fictional world and you never want to leave. Slowly, you are brought back to reality but you know that you’re reality will never be the same. You are forever changed by the stories and lives of the unreal. I love that.

6. I get self conscious about playing music in front of someone.  I don’t like it if someone is looking through my ipod. The whole time, they scroll, I just think to myself, “There’s a lot of bluegrass. There’s a lot of soundtracks. You aren’t going to find any rap on there. Yeah, you’ll find three albums of Merle Haggard but rap, nope. Not happening.” And sometimes, when I meet someone with really great taste in music, or like, they’re musically compatible with me, I think to myself, “Oh, you’re going to love this. I know exactly what to play for them next.” There seems to be way too much pressure on different tastes in music. And I just really don’t like that.