"Look Inside"

I use amazon.com for everything. One of my favorite features (pre-kindle and nook era) is the "Look Inside" feature when buying a book. For those of you who are not technologically saavy, the "Look Inside" feature is deeper look at the book that you are about to purchase. If you are buying a paperback in the stores, all you can see is the back cover synopsis but with Amazon you get reader reviews, the back synopsis and even a feature to go to whatever page you want and read directly out of the book, i.e: "Look Inside."

Honestly it's 2013, who wants to buy a book by just reading the back cover with so many options available. When I buy a book sometimes, I'm like, "Okay this is good, I'll buy it" but most of the time, I'm thinking, "Umm, I need more before I throw down $14.00 on this."

Currently, I've been experiencing writer's block. It's absolutely terrible if you have never experienced it. I've been going through a lot of changes in my life, and for some reason, I cannot focus on writing anything. I have at least six half started (or half finished) blogs just sitting idly in my blogger account. Today, this one will be completed, even if it turns out to be trash.

So back to Amazon's "Look Inside" feature. What if that feature could be used on humans? I'm curious. What if you could open someone up and read straight through? Feelings, mistakes, thoughts and everything about that person would be exposed in dialogue, like a book. If you were given the opportunity, would you?

Flipping to the inside of someone would definitely be interesting. I could use it as a dating tool. I could go to the review section, and read all about the guy. I can see it now, "He screwed me over." "He is a cheating bastard. Stay far away." Or, "He's a sweetheart but the distance tore us apart." How convenient would that be? What if I could go back and read how a person treated their ex on page 32 in their life. It would be a surefire way to tell if someone is lying or not. I speak the honest truth, so sometimes I have false hope in others doing the same. You know all those times, you ask someone a question and know they are leaving something out? If you could look inside and see what they were thinking in that moment, leaving unsaid, would you? Using this as a dating tool, could be disastrous. So much hurt and pain could be exposed. Just thinking about someone hearing my thoughts makes me want to vomit. Even if I didn't use the feature as a dating tool, I could use it to broaden my friendships.

I could certainly connect with close friends on a deeper level. Two of my really good friends, lost their mom very early on in life. Sometimes I speak about my mom before really thinking about how it could effect their feelings. Having friends whose mom's have passed away makes me really appreciate all the time I have with my own mom. If I could go to page 27 and "look inside" to experience their mother's death, or simply a great day with their Mom, I could experience all of their feelings. Everything would be written out for me and i could read the dialogue of a mother and daughter. I could really empathize and understand.

I am always asking frank questions about all of my friend's childhoods. For example, "Did you have a special stuffed animal as a kid?" Or, "Did your mom teach you how to put your make up on when you were younger?" "What is your favorite memory of your brother?" "Was he closer to your mom when she was alive?" Its fascinating to me to hear how others experienced things growing up. It gives me ideas of things to write about and how to formulate characters into fictional stories but it also helps me become closer to my friends. An active listener is so important in life. I am always trying to listen before cutting someone off by speaking. I have a HARD time doing this, because I love to talk and I am so random at times. Using this feature on friends would be amazing. You could choose when to turn it on and off. I would want to turn it on and watch their first kisses. Instead of just hearing a story, I could read both people's feeling that have never been spoken. I would always carry that in my heart.

What if I could sit with my Grandmother on her page 21, as she said goodbye to my Granddad when he left for WWII? Sure, I hear stories but to look inside and be able to capture that moment with my Grandmother's thoughts exposed...I believe there is magic in that. Words are everything to me. There is power in words that stand alone, and there is adventure in words and phrases pieced together with purpose.

My journal, IS the "look inside" feature. All my thoughts, feelings, and opinions on people and life are written with explicit details. Do I always want to "look inside" myself? No. Life changes, and the quickest way to get over something is to not look back. But looking back, carries the magic in every single moment ever experienced. Sometimes, you need to look back. Everyone has the right to reminisce, but I have the upper hand on reminiscing because EVERYTHING is there in the raw. I have my first kiss written down. I have my first hangover and the feeling encompassed with the room spinning. I have my first heart break, and the next heartbreak, and the current heartbreak.

Sometimes, I feel like I am cheating myself because i don't write things down for fear of someone seeing them 30 years from now or 60 years from now when I've passed away. Someone will have to volunteer to burn them all and I'll have to trust that they will not be opened. My journal is like my bible, an anti-anxiety medication and a meditative journey. It's a story of growing up and getting lost and so far, it's my favorite book I've ever read. The coolest part, it only gets better from here.