Love Letters

I watched a video the other day of a man and woman who had shared over 10,000 love letters with each other in their lifetime. They had just recently celebrated 40 years of marriage. As they started dating, the man would get on the train to go to work and jot down a few words on a napkin to the girl. As the dating progressed, his letters got longer. She said, after they got married, he greeted her with a card or letter everyday. Sometimes it was a few sentences and other days it was longer.

I am a huge fan of this. Zach and I may very well be the modern day version of this. We fell in love on an aircraft carrier. We fell in love passing notes on crumbled sheets of paper that later turned into a leather bound journal. We saved them all- some short, some long. Some ranting about our days, others sweet and endearing. Many have notes from meetings on the back, or bomb configurations. I once received a note from Zach on the back of a load plan. (A list of what bombs we were building up for the night)

As he is still in Japan. he is still receiving letters and cards from me. Maybe not everyday, but a couple a week. I've always loved writing. That has been a constant throughout my life. Lately I have been trying to figure out why I haven't written in my journal as often within the last few years. It's all adding up now as all of these love letters are laid out before me. I have been busy writing, just not in my own journal! That leather bound journal has been all over the ship, not to mention, all over the world. With me being in VA and him still in Japan, I've been busy decorating envelopes, buying stamps, and writing to Zach. He says that he looks forward to seeing all the different designs on the envelopes and that everyone knows when he gets mail. Its not like any other letters sent. He has turned into my journal. A place where I leave my thoughts, frustrations and fears. My excitement and questions. And in him I find answers. He isn't as loyal on writing me back but that is okay. Writing him is all that I need. The happiness he has when opening an envelope decorated with whales on the front is my happiness. I write not to receive but to give. And I think I always will.

As it is Valentine's day and we live in a digital world, I am sure I will see posts and posts of what everyone is receiving from their significant others, but I am not going to do that. I don't need to put up a picture of flowers to feel special. We should be thankful of who we have in our lives not for the candy and flowers on Valentines day but on all days. The gift is them. Their love is the gift- the  candy and flowers is just a bonus. For all of those whose significant others have passed on, I am deeply sorry. And I know that today will be hard without them.

My gift to myself this Valentine's day  is re living our moments through old love letters passed. I have them all sprawled across the floor and it is bringing back so much! Sometimes receiving a note from Zach was the only excitement I had that day when we were underway. These words mean, and will always mean, more to me than flowers ever will.

Zach's italicized. I'm not. Our only downfall was we didn't date the letters.


Good morning sunshine!
So tonight in the sea bag locker...that was really tough for me to actually say...I've never told anyone about some of the things I told you. It scares the living shit out of me that someone knows my fears, my  issues and insecurities but I'm glad it's you. Super glad. You are changing my heart for the better. OK, enough about that, what was your favorite part about Singapore? Cooking with you was a highlight. It was perfect. Massive amount of points awarded to you...haha. I gotta go. You are extremely distracting, but that's okay. I love that, even though a distracted mind at work here might kill someone...Oh lord haha! Have an amazing day Dani. 
~That one sweet guy that loves you a lot

Hey,
So why does it feel like I haven't seen your cute face for days? Oh yeah, cause I haven't! I guess that just gives me more time to think about you. You've been running through my head a lot lately. I hope you don't fall into another rose bush. Well, maybe I do. Can it be a "greene" one? :) I just re read you note. I really liked the sea bag locker too.  I'm glad you had a chance to express yourself. It's interesting hearing about you growing up and the feelings you have behind it. I like the way our conversations just roll back and forth but I like how we can just be quiet and think too. Singapore!!!!! Favorite part probably, when we were having that really intense conversation...................No more complications. No more distractions. He wants me. It all makes sense now.  :)


Baby, 
I just watched "Seeking A Friend For the End of the World" All I could think about was you and how my hand was lonely. This is our world. We got this. Seriously I just hopped out of the shower and cracked this book open. I swear, its an extension of our hearts. I was in the shower thinking about how happy I am. It literally just dawned on me. So what if my current job is not even a job, its a lifestyle? One I'm not planning on doing forever. For now, it'll do. So what if I can't hold your hand or kiss that perfect head. This navy thing is temporary. You and I are permanent. I truly value every moment of life I have with you. Even if its just a simple foot touch on the mess decks. You're pretty much my light at the end of the tunnel. I don't even know what I am saying. Does it even make sense? There isn't really a plan. Who plans life? Want to know my plan? Stay in love with you until the last breath leaves my body. We'll take on the world together and wherever we go or whatever happens it will always be OK because the second you walked into my life... I knew. 
I love you. Zachary.

The little things will add up to the big things. These are my promises to you. Hold me to them.

I promise to make every effort I can into being the best girlfriend ever for you.

I promise to help you fold your clothes when you need me to because I know you hate that.

I promise to tell you when you have something stuck in your teeth.

I promise to push you past your potential.

I promise to guide you if you're ever feeling lost in life.

I'll correct your grammar if you need me too.

And organize the kitchen cabinets when required.

I'll clean the floors but not the showers.

I'll make the coffee and be your personal temperature tester.

I promise to love you with a stye in your eye in a full time winking position.

I promise to love you forever...or until you get a cat. Just kidding....But really no.

Tell me your promises too!!!

Hey Baby,
These are my promises to you....
Always and forever pick you up when you are down.

Always be honest with you no matter what.

Baby, I'll always love you forever, no matter if you get sick, in a coma or any other bad shit. You're the love of my life.

I promise to you that we will have a very nice lawn. I'm extremely good at cutting grass in fancy patterns ,etc.

I promise I'll clean the tub out, ugh!!!

I promise I'll always have a shirt for you to wear, and one to clean your glasses on.

I promise that when you get old and can't do those little annoying necklace clasps....I got you.

There will always be ice cream in the freezer  and I promise I'll make you cupcakes when you list expect it. Oh and wine. When we retire; lets get a wine cellar

Old people always have the weirdest coolest collections- Can we do that?

I promise I'll always carry the heavier load so you don't have to. Anything to make your life easier.

I promise I'll NEVER get a cat. What if one of our kids really wants a cat? I mean, what if they get a cat loving gene... from somewhere and really really want a cat. What would we do?!? 
OK I'm out. I love you. Zachary.

***********************************************************************

I hope to one day organize them all ad try to get them in chronological order. Neither of us threw any away. I've got frayed napkins, coasters, cards and teared pages. It's okay that they are out of order and all over the place right now, because no matter which one I read, I can relive the exact moment over and over again. I just deleted a bunch of stuff off Facebook because i feel that it is showy and cocky. I want to live in the time my grandparents grew up. I'm an old soul and all this digital stuff just pisses me off.

I feel so blessed in this life. Johnny and June have got nothing on me and Zach. We aren't following in any one's footsteps, we've constructed our own path. Here's to many walks on it!

Danielle.