Escaping Reality

" I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long.  If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night. "

 ~Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

Have you ever thought about your dreams? Lately my subconscious has been stuck in my past life, my life before the Navy. My dreams love civilian life and rarely focus on military aspects. Almost 80% of my dreams have been back in the states, which is weird, because I'm currently in Japan. I don't know if this is due to me missing home or what, but its comforting. Some are hilarious, some heartbreaking, some joyful and others sad...I don't know what is going on but, I absolutely love falling asleep. And not just because I'm exhausted from work, because I definitely am. It's because, I've found home in my dreams every single night. It's practically the best part of my day. Believe me, that's saying a lot because you know I love the feeling of hot coffee and the espresso button. God knows, I love that espresso button when I'm stuck at work!

I realize that I am far away from home. I get that. But as good as it sounds, I don't want to be home right now, not yet anyways. Yeah, the command is shitty, but Japan...Japan is a far bigger exploration of myself than I ever thought possible. I try and set myself apart from those with negative attitudes. It's hard. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around me being so far from home. It's crazy! I think I am too independent for my own good.

Every night as I get ready for bed, I prepare to find family. My dreams take me to them. I look forward to the journey. They take me to places throughout my life: snow skiing with dad, laying out by the river with mom, my old apartment with Big, the sorority house with Caro and Galarde, and anywhere with sour gummy worms with my brother. Anything can happen. Caro will bring me beer to my bubble bath and talk to me. Mom will make pot roast and we'll drink coffee and watch Dirty Dancing. Daddy will take me out on the town, and we'll wear cowboy boots. Moments can be re-created and life goes exactly how I want it to...exactly as planned with no interruptions.

In my dreams, I find new experiences, but old ones, as well. You know all those times, you regret not saying what you wanted to? An argument, or a moment passes you by and you re-hash everything? You over think, over analyze and curse yourself for not saying what you truly felt or truly wanted to say. In dreams, I am a far stronger woman, and say exactly what I want and should've said in that moment in time. The ability to see that, gives me so much inner strength and confidence.

I realize that most dreams are utterly ubsurd and have nothing to do with anything. Some don't even make sense but, I also believe dreams are secret desires played out. Things you normally wouldn't even speak out loud because you're afraid it's too good to be true. But in a dream...deeper truths are uncovered. Maybe that's why its so hard  for me to let go. We have an inner life inside us all with inner hopes and dreams that we think are impossible, but are they? Or are we too scared to do exactly what we say? What do you think?